Tuesday, November 22, 2011

collaboration of knowledge sharing

Recent articles about boomers and unprecedented growth in new non-profits got me wondering why collaboration is such a challenging outcome for humans. So it was refreshing to stumble upon the WikiMEDIA personal plea for support posted by its founder. I gave.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

What is the Future

Reminds me of the question on Middle School blog -- where will you be in 25 years, identify three outcomes. It is all relative.  25 years was identified because it was conderably after the future they considered.. going to or graduating from High School.  Nearly all identified the classic married with kids scenarios circa the '50s.  Most projected the teacher continuing to be kool and happier at what he does..teach out-side of the box. A few anticipated being successful

I reflect that my future has been and remains tied to the futures of my children.  I just consulted with them indicating that if I continue in this vein of planning I can leverage my assets for the good of all. However, if my future is defined based on prioritizing me only the outcomes will be different.

Monday, October 24, 2011

anoesis - word of the day

\an-oh-EE-sis\ , noun;
A state of mind consisting of pure sensation or emotion without cognitive content.
Is this where my mind goes when while walking the dogs I suddenly realize I have no awareness as to the status of them doing their business?  I think I call it LOST.  Is this more of a tweet like thought than a blog post. Or would the tweet be : Have you been to anoesis lately, if so what did you find there?
On my way to anoesis yesterday I discovered the story of stuff. and made some creativity connections.
I wonder where getting Lost will take me today?  In the interim, I hope to read the blogs here and comment with the intention to increase digitial literacy (theirs and mine).

Thursday, October 20, 2011

AARP --- Service Essay

I was pretty sure no other Senior would be submitting this topic for the Essay on Service for Create The Good because it is tremendously challenging to get folks to even understand what Community Access TV is.  So this is what I have been doing and will continue to do unless something better comes my way. I might as well share this since I took the time to prepare it.  I look forward to voting on the top 7 of 1800 submissions to Create The Good.
Volunteering is now Full-Time: Helping Community TV Make a Difference for those Making a Difference

In 2011, I was transformed from a volunteer community media administrator type lynchpin (advisory boards, bylaws, policies) into a front-line volunteer: discovering, capturing, producing and sharing the stories of other lynchpin Seniors who have kept the engines of service and democracy going in my town. Unplanned early retirement was the trigger for this change. I now have the flexibility to Make TV for my Community Access Station.
From Janice the Grange Fair coordinator for 50 plus years to the two couples keeping the Wallingford Historical Society tours going and bells ringing on the 4th of July since 1962; to Nancy whose Community Dinner idea some thirty years ago is critical for these times; to Rich who opened the DryDock Sober Café, turning his retirement into helping others do better with what he struggled with – addiction; to the Holy Joes’ Café, getting coffee to Service Chaplains, a story that was to end with the end of the wars; to Cheryl’s Soup Kitchen et.al ministry Masters’ Manna whose clients tripled…to Citizen Mike a local commentary show that is now an integral part of the community conversation: I have been part of getting these, and other stories, told digitally.

All of these passionate 55 and much over folks, doing their thing and wishing they had more people doing it with them, are strangers to new media. They want to wisely transition their legacy to the current ‘new media’ generation. My story is about telling theirs and making these connections in my town (Wallingford,CT).
If you wish to join me, I did post the volunteer opportunity on this site as well. It is to appear here within the next 48 hrs.

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Cracked -- In My Timeline

I make this late blog entry, so it seems I am already behind in my 1st week of being 58. All in all it was a good start to another year.  My intent is to blog on Sunday.

Sunday was a full day. Travel to NYC consumed much of it. Classic Vinyl was the soundtrack. The roadways were busy. The weather was unexpectedly pleasant. The task at hand was video capture of the play Cracked Upon a Time written and directed by Josiah Houston. The performance was at TheaterLab. This was my second video capture of this play. This time the equipment was more reliable and the white vs. black box provided more suitable lighting for the unmanned cameras set to Automatic. There were other changes as well that made this particular theater experience more engaging than the last even as I tried to concentrate on camera transitions within the on-site quick edit.

I did find myself more familiar with my video capture toolkit but still far from comfortable in my knowledge. I am eager to get into post production and be lost in the macro-editing decisions. I know my quick edit with Tricaster Studio is good enough for community access but it will not be good enough for Piece Theatre.

Sunday was a good conclusion to a week that was diverse. I believe the encoding issues I have been plagued by since August have been resolved. I received notice that my Free Speech Week Video took 1st place in Documentary Event in the ACM-NE Video Festival. I finished a project for Seniors Have Dreams, Too and met Peter Yarrow (who had just come from Occupy Wall Street -video) and Hilton Valentine was among the event guests.  I got to work again with Paul Braccioforte on this project. I also spent 10 hours looking at the work of newbie bloggers and provided some feedback and maybe insight.  I look forward to doing this again as part of my media advocacy activities. I did my 1st Tweets.  Tried to keep up with all my newsletter mail new ones from AARP. I hope to spend some time here fine tuning my self throughout the year.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Posts left in draft...

left in draft 10 days ago..discussion, expansion, and reconsideration
Yesterday I stumbled upon these three words that seemed to be the essence of the communication process sans the outcomes in a discussion about filler words:   It was an envigorating converstation that likely has a few reconsidering their approach within certain context.  I smiled as I read a post ..

8.11.08 stories that cause laughter - best kind
12.9.09 Integrity where are you ... there is so much energy expended for what?
6.13.10  Sandbox - a reflection chaos, idealism, musings  (draft post follows)

Transcript excerpt of recent official meeting that set this reflection in motion

But it's not our job to dictate or to control how you people are going to get along in the sand box. That's up to you. We don't own the sand box. We don't regulate the sand box. You're in the sand box; we're not. We regulate only what the law allows us to regulate. So, yes, we do have ultimate authority over this request, but we don't have the ability to tell you people to talk nice to each other. That's not our job.

My real world experiences with sandboxes: at my childhood home, a sandbox with green shallow sides was shared among 6 siblings. Here we created castles and had travel adventures with toy vehicles. In later life, constructing a sandbox for my children was overwhelming; the sheer volume of bags of white sand to be purchased.  And, here were a few public park observations that engendered a delightful sense of well-being experience.

The metaphor used in the context of this meeting provoked the gut response - this sandbox was arbitrarily defined by the commercial interests of cable cowboys and politicos without any concept of who would be expected to play in it, their compatibility or shared interests or lack thereof, of playing nicely in a confined area. Aren't public sandboxes where little kids stake out their territory and big kids trample little kids castles (bullies) and rarely over time of repeated play date encounters friends or enemies are formed. My gut reactions spiralled as words in my head concurrent with the raising of my brow, swallowed silence followed by a guttural gasp of what!!.

So what is this metaphor really about. In deep dive reflection as to its game theory application  one could posit that the central context is pure, free, open to young-child imaginings.  However, game designers must account for a wide range of dynamic interactive elements in addition to free-play. The space is contained and the goal is to have fun...build castles where wars may be fought. Control of interactions is a complex, not a simple design consideration.

Social media discussions refer to the Sandbox covenant (p 7 of 12): Where open needs rules - again for interaction. This particular metaphor reference sites 2 levels: a protected place for innovation to do its value-creating experimental work and the container for the innovator's gritty sand, protecting the larger organization from the risky rough ideas.

This video explores the metaphor. (I was view 54 in 2010). It deserves more. It is described as Quasi-documentary that explores social integration in the desert through three spatial metaphors: (1) Child's fantasy in the sandbox, Marine/army training in the sandbox, and an Artist's imagination in the sandbox. Made for graduate studies course called "Mapping The Desert/ Deserting the Map" taught by Dick Hebdige at University of California Santa Barbara.

So -- where does this metaphor leave me.  Well more than a year later the sandbox is being reviewed and may be paved over.  I have yet to comment on Docket 11-08-06 of the reorganized agency PURA or DEEP.

celebrating life..

Last evening I enjoyed the new NATGEO Series: Brain Games.  It was very informing.  It is truly amazing how much has been learned about brain function. I saw it as the beginning of the celebration:  of my, less than reliable lately, super computer essential to every waking thought and sensation. It was odd to be watching TV and have a voice say to you -- now close your eyes.  Tears did well up as I heard the comment ... that should have been much easier; as I was totally lost.

EEG and MRI were the adventures this past week.  Goo on the head.  I did go to sleep, presumably a good thing for the test that yields 200 pages of brain analysis.  I was told a ringtone story that was odd about beer & Mexico.  Have no idea why that meaningless info is still in recall mode.  The MRI was an exercise in breathe control, trying not to cough for nearly an hour; done to what was described to me as relaxing music -- which was totally awful music with occasional suggestive statements.  I wondered what would I choose as relaxing... but that day, nothing came to mind.  Just now, same question and  I recall the CD I have of Native American Music. I sometimes play it for the dogs and cats to chill out to, and me too.  It is called Red Sky, with flutes and gentle percussion and nature sounds -- it is a salute to sunsets.

This tangent thought reminds me of the smile I always quite literally feel when I play the CD by Kevin Briody: When No One's Watching. (You can buy it here.) These 2 CDs are adjacent on the shelf.  I bought a second copy for my step daughter's family. I also made a $100 contribution to NPR for a something very special in my youth (What it was I cannot recall.)  I am certain she never listened to it either.   I love the title song and Walnuts & Rice.  I think they are empowering in their simplicity.  He is sorta folk / country. I remember last Christmas I told my peers at work about this CD, the peers that were very dedicated to family that still had young children.  I hope they took action.  Maybe I will reconnect to remind them, and ask. When Josiah was doing the poetry tour as Dan Houston @2000 -- he opened for Kevin.  I should look into buying more CDs -- but the no job thing, needs to be sorted out 1st.

Both sons have called with B'day wishes. Doing projects with these two together is what has given me the most joy in recent years. The ribbons headlining this blog have been used to share B'day wishes with friends over the years. It was a photo taken by Heather for a school project. This weekend I was the Freeman Penny Quinn. The weekend included doing some artsy stuff with her which was also quite fun. She is clever. I like the lady she is becoming.

Anyway, I think this post should draw to a close as the interruptions have been numerous and my day needs to productivity.  Unfortunately, I have yet to consider blogging productive --probably erroneously.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

No Time Four Tear

NoTime4Tears...was my original shorthand.  Then this typo "four"  became the extension of my thoughts about the 4th R: Reflection and the struggle I have always had with taking the time to slow down and focus. The words in my head always saying there is no time.

A few posts back I reflected on the now missing connections in my day-to-day that I need to fix.  My brain seems to hear that neural integration in the heart of health but when I try to just stop and breathe it literally hurts. 

It is this fourth element of life for which I have had no training and anxiety and fear have dominated. Oddly I do seem to have a strong sense of 'empathy' and it is reflection on what brings me to tears that I think may help me realize that there was true intent by our forefathers use of the phrase 'pursuit of happiness'.  As a book in my Sociology 100 course (not to be confused with The Pursuit of Happyness - a truly awe inspiring memoir story by Chris Gardener)-- what was my take-away? who wrote that slim red covered somewhat controversial book? My memory not revealing much more than shallows. All too common.

Anyway, today my take-a-way is the reach, concurrently, pursuit of happiness as a construct (with readings like this) and a practice (learning mindUp stuff) while developing the elements of MeanWhile (that whole  no linear communication, dramatic presentation idea floating around in my broken brain)  to accomplish what it is I was meant to...of course, before I forget.  (tongue in cheek).

Friday, September 23, 2011


Today my home was a seen as a place of piece and opportunity.  Sharing it will make the world a little more comfortable for those soon to be under this roof. It feels very right.

I am reminded of my favorite childhood book:  The Family Nobody Wanted.  I understand thanks to Google that it is released with an epilogue by Helen Doss that updates the family's progress since 1954.  This now must be on my to be read list.

The Rene & Nonna Wellek books I purchased through Powell's arrived.  It seems that it is time to take some pleasure in reading.  Especially fitting on what appears to be Banned Book Week: Sept 24 to Oct 1.  I wish I had realized this designation of the week sooner as this is something our Community Access Station should rally around.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Today I subscribed to NYMAG and posted in 911 Collected Works What about the Movie: Severe Visibility by Paul Cross? This movie handles, in a profoundly compassionate way, the tensions felt by patriotic Americans that question the transparency of government.  Or maybe there is not room in the NY selection for patriots that share the sadness of loss, pride in responders and soldiers; but have doubts about the roots of terrorism.

Collected Works is a well done tribute collection.  Very honorable in it presentation; respectful within the selection of traditional media.

Saturday, my day was full of interruptions due to disclaimers and disassociations with the decision to guarantee the distribution of this movie in my community

I believe that if this type of FreeSpeech , speech thoughtfully rendered, is discredited;  then Free Speech will become just the parlance of 'whack-o' esque types -- that exercise their rights by name calling, ranting and self-promotion. 

If Free Speech is an excercise in defeat at the get; what does the future of democracy hold?

Friday, September 9, 2011

Kudoes Mr. President

Loved the mixed media presentation. Loved the Call to Action.  Loved the short and long term elements. Loved the priorities set.  Loved the Common Ground established by the selection of the Job Act Components. 

I value the idea that the President can lead by example on the idea of Common Ground.  It is rare that a person in power; facing the politics and hypes of the day, can hold true to ideals of democracy with such Grace. 

It is now time to PASS THIS BILL.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Right Tone 9|11 10 years later

There is lots of Special Media coverage about the 10th anniversary of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. The themes range from “Where are they now? to “What do you remember of that day?” with a few ‘in-depth” reports on health & well-being of survivors. In commercial television the question of ‘not to appear to be exploiting the events for financial gain’ is the primary challenge. But for Community Access Channels the question to be asked is “What does the public believe about the events of 9/11?” With the bountiful programming on the truths of devastation; there is little mass media attention given to ideas that raise questions about the ‘truths’ about the devastations root cause.
The heartfelt sadness over the loss that day and each day in subsequent acts of war are where; as the President often says “Americans share a common ground.” But the principals of democracy are also where we are to share a common ground and in this regard – the freedom to question or inform on the root cause of this need for national grief is vital to our nationhood.
Public Television will commemorate the 10th anniversary of 9/11 with programs honoring the heroes, victims, and enduring spirit of New Yorkers. Public Access television will represent the community and diversity of ideas to the extent content was developed or acquired by citizens of Wallingford.
Sometimes it is challenging to sift out what is myth, magic, conspiracy or transparency in the information available today. Someone who is willing to die for the right to think and say what one wishes – could feel compromised if that means enabling someone who passionately holds facts and concerns about conspiracy to distribute such views. Similar challenges arise with Hate Speech – is there a line to be crossed or drawn? But the American idea of Free Speech assumes that it is not ‘allowing people to promote ideas & dialogue about concerns’ that weaken the bonds of society – not the speech itself.
WPAA-TV is dedicating the date 9/11 to 9/11 related content from 9AM to Midnight. The content includes information about Holy Joes Café, Yellow Ribbons, poems, etching, songs, bells, bagpipes, services, photographs as well as a Movie: Severe-Visibility written and directed by Paul Cross. This movie handles, in a profoundly compassionate way, the tensions felt by patriotic Americans that question the transparency of government. It can stand alone as a Movie – with a conspiracy theory theme. However, It is based on a true personal account –following his look at the Pentagon crash site one day after the attack.
It was also produced on a low budget and is a benchmark for excellence for local producers seeking to tell a compelling story, whatever the topic. Whether you believe the U.S. Army Major in this story is a hero or anti-hero the movie may be just what you need to see to determine what it is you can allow yourself to believe about 9|11.
The 90 Minute Movie Severe-Visibility will play Sept 11 at 9:30 AM; 6:30 PM, 9:00PM and 10:30 PM WPAA-TV. WPAA-TV is available in Wallingford on Comcast 18, statewide on ATT-99 and on the Internet at WPAA.TV

Reoccurring Realizations and Rain

‘Ah, that is what I was doing.’ The voice in my head says ‘you should count these’, these times that you were lost & found. Then the idea passes. Counting that is, immediately distracted by how familiar this eureka, what was once mere recall, seems over the most mundane of things: cat food cans open, tea in microwave, shoes in room x, list on table b, vitamin on the counter, stove on…with unmonitored scary outcomes, lights left burning. Sometimes the smells call me back to the kitchen. And I fear that more times, will be alarmed for smoke, if I do not get more connected. Yes I think the issue is staying connected.

When I try to speak of these instances of forgetfulness, the ‘me too stories’ of misplaced keys, missed b’days or late recall of appointments are instant retorts from the listener. And I know that it is common to forget – maybe due to excessive busyness or poor list management; but when is being ‘disconnected’ from what you are doing become outside of the understandable. What is the benchmark, the count? What is not common?

My son suggests it is not a topic for jest, or discussion. It is not real – this loss of mindfulness. My partner – jests. He shares the room and the life that will become more unknown to me and he too does not want this to become more real.

I have a T-shirt and bumper sticker that says “I do what the Voices in my head tell me”. In jest, the retort is it would be a better imprint if it said “I do what the Voices in my head remember to tell me”. Lists I try them. Forget them. They find different places like cell phone and keys and those documents made specifically to not go in such circles again. My life’s work was geared toward removing redundancy and now I feel captive to it.

The silver lining: I like the feeling of remembering ideas previously connected to. Not experiences so much. With ideas I rehearse remembering, the voice in my head repeating key phrases so that in the short term I will be able to engage in potentially engaging conversations. If too much time passes, and I am not certain what the duration is, these key phrases come back to me as sounds I cannot quite catch. Not quite the same as searching for a name to go with a face; it is more like a hum of words to a song that is familiar but you really do not know the lyrics. This happened to me before. When I tried to learn another language and when my Instructors had strong accents. One thing I do recall is this feeling associated with my Final Exam for Russian Literature.

As I try to recall – I think her name was Nona (it just came to me as I stretched into remembering) Welleck (spelling to be confirmed). She was particular taken with an author whose name began with a G. I was too; but without doing an Internet search I will not be able to tell you the author or the compelling interest. She was a young communist by lack of options. She was married to a significantly older man (maybe too due to lack of options) and they lived on St. Ronan St. (a street that holds some intrigue). He too was published and in many languages. He was employed by Yale and she was slumming teaching at SCSU. All this is shallows from a time that I ingested ideas and seemed full of excitement connecting literature, history and social relevance together. But not one of these bits of knowledge come to me…but I know if I see something in print I may feel a Eureka rush of recall – that will be like mist within no time at all.

I know the mind is capable of more. I see its elasticity and girth in the gifts of my son and partner and I vaguely recall such capabilities from my childhood. I know I scored incredibly high in mechanical aptitude (Military Entrance Exam) at 17 when my only exposure to such things was overheard conversations between my brothers & father at dinner. There was a time when I was connecting. I wanted to study Russian via immersion. Long ago assumptions of capability.

As I post I realize that this scribble has taken a few hours to construct and that I started it in the middle of the night because the rain was making me anxious: intense downpours, winds and thunder. I actually felt afraid...and wanted distraction. I am now hearing it again through the voices and I am tired...so I will go back to my pillow and wish intently for sleep.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Launched YouTube Channel OTPGWPAA

It is challenging to schedule shorts on the Community Access Channel. They can be filler and seen if someone is surfing. So in addition to submitting to WPAA-TV some shorts will be posted on the OntheParadeGround You Tube Channel

There are a few Versions of Blood On Our Hands on this Channel because viewers provided great feedback to improve the piece. The final Remix can be viewed here.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Insight -- that wakes me with a to do list

Seeking informing content for the WPAA-TV 2011 celebration of Free Speech Week Oct 17-23rd has been my latest distraction. The outcomes have been inspiring, at least to me.

Outcomes: Permission to schedule starting in Sept the film Severe Visibility, a dramatization of a theory on 911 events for 911 10th anniversary programming; and from 10.15.11 and 12.3.11 the documentary (Tradesman: Making an Art of Work). This program compliments the celebration of contributions by local tradesmen who volunteered to renovate the 1924 Barn into a Community Access TV studio/Black Box Theater in the face of public naysayers.

In process: An idea. Illustrate the power of alternative media. How: Do a local video capture of opinions and the power of informing those opinion holders with alternate media with an in-house event at 28 So. Orchard St. Open House Event: House Party at the Home of Free Speech serving Hot Coffee with the potential participation in Talk Back of one of my favorite commentator's on media.

  1. Purchased 2 DVDs based on the permissions and prepared Guarantor Paperwork
  2. Locate contact info and used it to reconnect with Prof. Paul Janensch
  3. Started inquiry permissions process for the movie Hot Coffee on Civil Justice which is now showing on HBO. (I highly recommend viewing this work. It informs well. It may inspire you to take action. Stella is a hero. Director Susan Saladoff has a great sense of story. Bravo! This work should be on '50 Documentaries To See Before You Die' which is now showing on Current TV.

October will be busy as the play Cracked Upon a Time will be performed by PIECE Theater at Living Theater Oct 13 - 22. studioW volunteers will be doing video capture of this WPAA-TV partner event. This play was staged at studioW at WPAA in Dec 2010 as the 1st performance event in the new facility to an awed crowd. Another must see.

Thursday, August 11, 2011


What is most scary is the holding of values that diminishes humanity.
The story ..For Hosne Ara by Zahid Al Amin holds so much sadness.
As listeners ...what are we to do with stories that make us cry?

What I can do is assess my values and try in all I do to stay true to them -- knowing that they do not condone such inhumanity. But it does not seem to be enough.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

What day is it?

It is more challenging to know what day it is. Yesterday I completed preparation for the ACM-NE Video Festival which I had expected to complete the prior day. The M&M Remix has been completed and is in the mail to SOL. So two things can be checked off as complete. I have enjoyed delving into video editing --- but I need to still the 'voice in my head' saying that it needs validation. I have six submissions, all technically challenged. If content is truly king and creativity gets points... maybe there will be some validation in these efforts.

There is still too much clutter in catching up with the last decade of undone. So back to clutter diving I go...

Friday, August 5, 2011

Now on SuleKha

Well my idea has been kickstarted with registration on Sulekha.com , the 2002 tiling project is complete and looks pretty nice, the re-edits are done for DryDock Music Festival and adding the B-roll truly adds to the story.

As the stock market is in chaos I have put Dad stuff off again. I have also deactivated my Unemployment claim -- and will revisit in Dec if needed.

Yesterday found some yang to my ying. My cholesterol numbers improved immensely due to diet: less cheese and add nuts. Unfortunately that yielded 5 cavities. I never anticipated nuts would be a teeth health risk.

I will be doing a challenging edit today, deciding what may be worth submitting to a video festival and trying to deny the existence of this poison ivy. I know I will not succeed with all three.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

An idea, projects: Some visceral spontaneity, some hyperlink connectivity

What 20 more days without the daily bread anchor has revealed: I think I have an idea that can be actualized bringing much of my loose ends together to achieve my goals. TBD.

What is known:
  • I definitely do not want 9-5 (actually 8-7) anymore, but I miss solving business flow puzzles and I do look at what is out there. This is important for several reasons among them being perspective.
  • I have a home designed for young people but all my 20Somethings are now, elsewhere.
  • I am committed to this community for at least another decade: ironically, just paid lifetime membership to the Wallingford Historical Society.
  • I need a plan to underwrite some basic costs that has its own merits as good for me and others.
My to-do list from things set-aside to purse daily bread is long; it would have been scary to have seen it in list form while employed. It still is -- so I am still working it without committing it to a check-off format. Maybe I do not want to see it, maybe I do not want to be held hostage to it, maybe it is something my ADD/ADHD enables (or disables me) me to avoid. So my virtual list gets longer each day; especially when I follow Internet connections: Articles to read about things like Collective Intelligence. Videos to listen to with tidbits on non-profit management, editing. I could listen to TED all day long.

For example: I committed to producing video from the DryDock Musical Festival July16-17. 18 hours of capture, already 3 days of re-edit on the 1st 3 hours. This was a good list adjustment. Very enjoyable event. Potential for ongoing meaningful connections. Totally enjoying the work and relearning things in the process. While editing I thought -- could really use some B-roll of the towers. Dilemma: due I use these just found images to insert into the videos and re-render each 1 hour story in multiple formats...probably YES. Since the story is more important than the time. If I had a check-off list, I would need to checked UNDONE for these 3 hours of edit that I thought I finished last night a 9 pm. This is what hyperconnectivity does: provides opportunities but not always with the best timing (what the research is telling us).

My list also includes things ranging from weeding (Ivy has overtaken the property) to video documentaries (several projects here), to completing Dad's Probate Court tasks, to tiling the pool house kitchen (left in process in 2002), to reconstructing stone wall (this one can be checked off, but I keep finding stones to add). Also, Josiah brought the book Siddhartha home for me from his library, because I need less time at computer.

There is more ramblings in my head,,,but I want to get to some of the things on the list before the day gets too hot. But I should probably get that re-edit in process so the computer can be working while I am weeding.

BTW: my list now includes a Sunday Task of Filing with CT Unemployment - this task is now at week 3.

Friday, July 8, 2011

Meandering; some closure anticipated

So I have now experienced 3 unstructured weeks. For me unstructured means without 9 + hours a day committed to a day job with care of others sprinkled in between. In this state of anything can happen --- what did?

Anxiety caused me to seek the money saving efficiencies assumed critical for the next stage of survival. Annual savings derived:approx $2,000. Medical appointments were scheduled. Various areas of clutter were de-cluttered and several remain. I remained on task for the care of the animals within an hour of the schedule they expected. I increased movement in general. I experimented with healthier food choices. I avoided video editing projects that I knew could consume me until week 3. I researched a potential house for flipping and decided that location, location was not enough to overcome black mold and mosquitoes. I got some tasks done for my pet non-profit organizations but not more than I would or could have when employed.

I referred things I found to others...with positive hopes that something may manifest. Today I will try to accomplish a list of things. Maybe I will do lists for a week and see what limited structure yields.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Control -- lack of it causes stress, so redefine

A $2.00 fill-a-bag with books -- church rummage sale has given me much reading material which remains on the To-Be-Read list. I started with Ageless Body, Timeless Mind Deepak Chopra, MD. at the onset of this new beginning...totally oblivious to its potential relevance.

It has been a rewarding journey, thus far. I have reached the second half on practice. Not yet brave enough to venture from reading to doing given the current unsettled household. But I must say that there have been many references to fascinating research. Some literature as well. Of particular note as it rains and there is continuing news of rivers overflowing man devised controls in the daily news I am keenly aware from my shallows. I failed to connect the passage sans citation in my '71 HS yearbook as from Siddhartha. It is followed by my 1st published uncredited scrawling itself an odd renewed recollection of personal experience. I am certain there is a take-away. At the moment I just record.

I am only a ferryman, and it is my task to ferry people across the river. I have transported many, thousands; and to all of them, my river has been nothing but an obstacle on their travels. They traveled to seek money and business, and for weddings, and on pilgrimages, and the river was obstructing their path, and the ferryman's job was to get them quickly across that obstacle. But for some among thousands, a few, four or five, the river has stopped being an obstacle, they have heard its voice, they have listened to it, and the river has become sacred to them, as it has become sacred to me.

And each flake
Of snow
Intricately different
Yet not alone
Is carried on
By the wind
to the waiting ground
maybe to be plowed
forced in a mass
till death
maybe to be shaped into a man of snow with charcoal eyes
Maybe a single flake will melt into a world of its own
Each flake of snow intricately different yet not alone

...insert Henry David Thoreau here ...

You are you and I am I
If we meet it’s beautiful
If not
It’s because
You are you and I am I

I came in hope of finding a way to expand my own reflection, I have found a way to make it something more than what it was.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Weekend -- and sinus pain

Today there was news of another life extinguished early; not a direct victim of war like the 20 year old with 2 weeks left to serve a few towns away. Rather a 20 something whose life never got on a sustainable track. As a boy he welcomed a new comer into the neighborhood; provided a middle school life line. I remember afternoons of manageable mischief at the pool just cleaned again for another summer. Sometimes there is too much murkiness to clean up without intervention. Sometimes the chemicals are wrong. I am not sure what to do with this news or the better understanding of genocide I got with an investment of time with BookTV yesterday. I will be buying When The Stars Fall to Earth by Rebecca Tinsley because the proceeds support solutions. I wonder if there will be a compelling section I can read on Community Television that will add to the awareness that I still have no clue what to do with.

So I continue to absorb and wonder and get distracted by sinus pain; What is to become of these connections before I too am extinguished: either by serving or facing something unsustainable?

Thursday, June 16, 2011

So far it seems like a really long Saturday with naps

So last Monday was the 1st Monday in 35 years that I did not have a job. It is much to get ones' head around.

I did not dump into this state of being gradually because my last employed days played out like all that came before: Compressed Project Timeline. Deliverables. Teamwork. Business Needs awaiting solutions. Unpaid Over-time. I am still unsure what my true feelings are about what I dubbed my Last Hurrah Project -- which connected decades of dots to re-engineer the subsystem I supported so that I would no longer be needed. I am satisfied with the product and the teamwork it took to get it done. I am unsettled in my feelings about the manner in which the scope & scheduling was handled. But it is past and I need to be more present so I can find the right future.

Part of the future will be noted here. So this is the simple start.

Friday, February 18, 2011

studioW Express Show Perform 2-25

The Virtual Gates of Heaven

by David Garlock
The Anthology
by Susan Cinoman

Directed by: Ann Finateri and Randy Laist

Doors open at 8:30 PM

Featuring: Rose Lamoureux, Rob Iulo, Kevin Long, Cassie Iulo, Quint Johnson, and Virginia Skinner In the one-act dream play “Virtual Gates of Heaven,” a Bible-thumping televangelist dies and arrives at the entrance to Heaven, only to discover that none of his expectations about the after-life are to be fulfilled. Technological advances, corporate mergers, downsizing and globalization persist beyond the grave. All of his preconceptions about eternal bliss are upended, as the purgatorial processing of his bedraggled soul is undertaken by Heaven’s gatekeeper, the Archangel Gabriella.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Social Action Art at studioW

studioW events have packed the house.
The next event Drama & Drums is Feb 25th at WPAA-TV 28 So. Orchard St.

The Dec 10 WorldPremier debut of the parody Rockperetta
Zombie Vs. Vampire can be still be viewed on-line at Video-on-Demand at www.wpaa.tv.

Performance Artists interested in becoming part of the studioW experience at WPAA-TV are asked to contact the production volunteers at

Sunday, January 30, 2011

yearbook reflection

I came in hope of finding a way to expand my own reflection and found a way to make it something more than what it was. 1971

Saturday, January 29, 2011

kindleNEXT --- remembering horizons past

Today I was reminded of a story that was to be a way of life...when I was 22. Reflecting, I have not failed BUT assessing, I have yet to actualize ...because I have not sustained a personal balance. I must make a truthful assessment of 'what is at hand', my toolkit and my passion. I am excited but still totally blind. I am getting hints, just hints. It is a start.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Finding a eureka

Let the data set change your mind set: Visualizing data fascinates me. Spreadsheets frustrate me.

I am still struggling with knowing what my choices will be when I can re prioritize my life: this is causing a bit of stress. I was thinking it may be fear of failure. The future will likely have less incremental closures as projects end; but who am I kidding in the corporate world projects never did end, because you were forever SME. Since the documentation cycle always was eclipsed by the demands of next project, documents did not serve others just you -- the interpreter. It seems I have decades of work to document down-size. I hope I come away with a product and solid experience with some of the newer tools with the last large daily bread project which has all the things that make projects fail -- and one expert. Not worth my minutes documenting that here.

I need to investigate how others sensing the clutter and overwhelming nature of data are compressing it into knowledge: digitization with meta data, info-maps, visualization tools like Google Analytics. I what to play with the combination of eye & word communication with enough intensity & focus to find a eureka.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

A researcher --- storyteller

I needed to hear this today and lay claim to this:
Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone; I am enough.

enough said.

Welcome New Year.