At a recent gathering for a matriarch in the family circle ~ those in attendance were asked to share a reflection. What I had surface in my mind could not be shared there. Very few, even those much closer than I, found not much to share. Perplexing. Ironically the recall I suppressed was about suppression of an experience that influenced my choice of discomfort in the shallows for many years because some ways of thinking go to the grave. And so it did.
GOOD & black
stretching a good table. Fine china well smeared with gravy and the blood
of cranberries as the dapper 4-year old topples
dessert in conversation: "That’s bull-shit!"
The murmur of mimic, watershed tales of pre-school teacher
complaints; a rambled ‘What can be done?’ retort
to what was heard, spoken, repeated: "That’s bull-shit!"
Small talk brews aromatic. ‘What can be done?’
topics twist to most seen TV, turns to telling stories
of road-rage. Son and daughters tasting how possible - a chiffon identification with fear, the shooter’s fear, emerges
like apples from the cut wedge of
the other pie.
“It must have been one ...”
“No, Grandma. Both were women. Both were white.”
pours past Diet Coke, Asti; Rooibosch running at the mouth “Well, most times its men. Most times it is Blacks. Shooting even
each other.” “No Grandma” steams above black coffee.
“Every time it is
a person with a gun made only to shoot people - a handgun
in an angry hand! More pie with your drink of choice?” Every holiday there is too much. “Anyone-else need tea?” consumptive shallows drip into Internet shopping. What children get, every
thing they do not need. ‘Did you hear?’ current events get swallowed like the offer of a second dessert, discomfort
to return later.
She is 75. She repeats what she believes above sugar powdered angel’s wings. She fears, the real thing.
The child hears fear, and repeats. The child gets everything
"That’s bull-shit!" is mimic in the world, good
and black for Christmas.
This post was prompted by a publicly shared comic's Aziz Ansari expression of similar sentiment. 11.8.2013 Racist grandmas are dying, and that is a good thing.