Monday, March 7, 2016

Birth, optimisms and

I deeply respect Warren Buffet. I read The Snowball. Loved his insights into the history of my own time; and ironically wished the same were not to be true,  like "everyone else says a recession will be short and shallow, but I would say long and deep". During the recession I helped my employer merge and down-size. 

My retirement decision enabled a person in Maine with family to be retained, a small upside. I often tried to add value concurrent with mergers so the people elimination quotient could be lower. I thought, at the time, it was the intensity of the job and the value conflicts that kept me from sleeping well.  I have come to know differently.

Last night was another night with unrest; processes, decisions and value questions poking my lack of rest. Thirty years prior I was in like-fits of sleep because my son was born on this date. That day I also had seasonal sinus headaches, muscle spasms in my legs (I gave birth standing after wrenching my left ankle) and a reputation that I was trying to keep in tack.

This rumination is to say: that nothing is for certain, relationships need to be stronger than processes, without the relationships all the good you put into the world can vanish.  

A few months ago I woke with an idea about immediate family with which I lived. It was "Once you leave, I will likely not visit you."  It was an odd feeling to have since I had opened my home and had some level of human interaction daily. For me it was authentic, giving more than I had but for them (the adults) there was no investment, no true sharing nor sacrifice.  

Five minutes of direct truth can topple illusion.

But what can bring about sound sleep?