Sunday, August 29, 2010

integrity & transparency -- owning the risk

How does one determine what is best? Does short term out weigh long? Does security trump opportunity? Does one assume one will live for decades or does one choose to start living? Going along -- numb and day-to-day without a conscious decision to get beyond engagement in securing daily bread ... the unstated is that I will get to a date in the future to be decided by a corporation that my life will change.

I was nudged by hyperbolic crap to think more strategically about ME. When I added ME to the equation I was divided. I woke the ME that did not take or keep the job by choice but rather by default. I woke the ME that does not want to be used, disrespected or overwhelmed.

What I discovered is I can work another year and be NET Neutral... so if I was likely never to be the one to choose a future date I have discovered I can choose now and be faced everyday with real choices for wellness and meaning.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

a skill, a tool, a risk

editing:a skill, a tool, a risk and maybe the cornerstone of my retirement. Yes I have decided. I have not slept. It is raining gently. Josiah is off to Burning Man in Nevada in a few hours. And I am heading toward wellness. 5:30 am and the dogs have been walked and fed. A skunk required us to take an alternate walking plan. Through the sleepless night I was smiling. In the light drizzle I sang out it is a beautiful morning. The rain is coming down harder now. Through the night I kept flashing on the good connections in our lives that made the TV station happen beyond expectations and knowing that in this success there is also the promise that we can do it for ourselves as well.

Today I edit my life. It is a risk. Maybe I will find my story.

Note: this line was removed from a document 2 nights ago that I was working on with a team of committed volunteers. It was a good session. The end product is more than the sum of its parts. Again I smile. It is nice to do.

Hugs are back,too.

Friday, August 6, 2010


Three decades ago I said I want to go to Chicago to live and study and for three decades I owned this, the shallowest of illusions. But today my middle is there with the same mantra and 1000% more potential to claim the city and maybe even someday have it claim him.

I have had the pleasure of visiting twice. This is more than I truly expected I would do when I first claimed the illusion.

I have said of this path not taken, that it was an opportunity stolen. But the truth is that fear of large doors and the cracks made from a short memory are the true source of cement in my Buster Brown loafers. Today, I am year three in Finn Comfort and much less likely to travel afar. Vicarious is my only mode and even there I may be out of my depth.