Too many MEs

When the cloud world merges you -- it can be so confusing. Originally my silos were to help process different types of tasks and associations and to stay safe (There is a backstory with guns, and deaths and threats currently locked away).  Now my multiple identities trip me up more than they help. But the web is there figuratively and literally with its need for keys  (passwords that insist on caps, letters & characters...when i prefer to use all lower case). Ugh. 


I have not kept up with the wonders of the random distractions of each day.  The discussion of conspicuous consumption (a.k.a. Prius effect), the betterthinking video that really just needed audio, the tweets of Colbert or the walks that farting dogs give notice about -- missing.

I tried to make something of this distraction -- pictures of the Amistad statue in New Haven - but I really did not transform it in any way. 

Here are the letters that my fingers are slowly building a relation ship with.
fasde  jkl;i  ddddd this finger is most challenged.  I quess it has not had enough reason to be used to have a natural flow form brain to hand. Anyway i am looking forward to the mavis Beacon typing lessons software.  Hopefully $15 well spent.

What day is it?

It is more challenging to know what day it is. Yesterday I completed preparation for the ACM-NE Video Festival which I had expected to complete the prior day. The M&M Remix has been completed and is in the mail to SOL. So two things can be checked off as complete. I have enjoyed delving into video editing --- but I need to still the 'voice in my head' saying that it needs validation. I have six submissions, all technically challenged. If content is truly king and creativity gets points... maybe there will be some validation in these efforts.

There is still too much clutter in catching up with the last decade of undone. So back to clutter diving I go...

Weekend -- and sinus pain

Today there was news of another life extinguished early; not a direct victim of war like the 20 year old with 2 weeks left to serve a few towns away. Rather a 20 something whose life never got on a sustainable track. As a boy he welcomed a new comer into the neighborhood; provided a middle school life line. I remember afternoons of manageable mischief at the pool just cleaned again for another summer. Sometimes there is too much murkiness to clean up without intervention. Sometimes the chemicals are wrong. I am not sure what to do with this news or the better understanding of genocide I got with an investment of time with BookTV yesterday. I will be buying When The Stars Fall to Earth by Rebecca Tinsley because the proceeds support solutions. I wonder if there will be a compelling section I can read on Community Television that will add to the awareness that I still have no clue what to do with.

So I continue to absorb and wonder and get distracted by sinus pain; What is to become of these connections before I too am extinguished: either by serving or facing something unsustainable?

Finding a eureka

Let the data set change your mind set: Visualizing data fascinates me. Spreadsheets frustrate me.

I am still struggling with knowing what my choices will be when I can re prioritize my life: this is causing a bit of stress. I was thinking it may be fear of failure. The future will likely have less incremental closures as projects end; but who am I kidding in the corporate world projects never did end, because you were forever SME. Since the documentation cycle always was eclipsed by the demands of next project, documents did not serve others just you -- the interpreter. It seems I have decades of work to document down-size. I hope I come away with a product and solid experience with some of the newer tools with the last large daily bread project which has all the things that make projects fail -- and one expert. Not worth my minutes documenting that here.

I need to investigate how others sensing the clutter and overwhelming nature of data are compressing it into knowledge: digitization with meta data, info-maps, visualization tools like Google Analytics. I what to play with the combination of eye & word communication with enough intensity & focus to find a eureka.

integrity & transparency -- owning the risk

How does one determine what is best? Does short term out weigh long? Does security trump opportunity? Does one assume one will live for decades or does one choose to start living? Going along -- numb and day-to-day without a conscious decision to get beyond engagement in securing daily bread ... the unstated is that I will get to a date in the future to be decided by a corporation that my life will change.

I was nudged by hyperbolic crap to think more strategically about ME. When I added ME to the equation I was divided. I woke the ME that did not take or keep the job by choice but rather by default. I woke the ME that does not want to be used, disrespected or overwhelmed.

What I discovered is I can work another year and be NET Neutral... so if I was likely never to be the one to choose a future date I have discovered I can choose now and be faced everyday with real choices for wellness and meaning.

the Landscape_degrees of separation

Separation can be an act or a state of being. Yesterday in Biosphere2 I quietly marveled at the how the states of environmental change had nearly no transition and that a range of some 20 degrees in temperature supported different life zones. This was science and something I very much hoped others were fascinated enough by to continue exploring.
I realized that very few things about science were made exciting to me as a child and I did not grow interested in things that had practical application. I often regret this.

[A strong memory is that Mr. Afragola, my HS Science Teacher, was fascinated by insects and held a belief that the would inherit the earth. With 300,000 species of beetles and the crazy ant story from the biosphere yesterday --- it is more understandable – his fascination and belief.

The crazy ant story should go here. It does not travel in straight lines. It took over the insect word of Biosphere2. It was a native. It was a subplot. ]

Respite is to be my goal as I have had non-stop task overload for employer and community for 5,500 days. In this attempt I find myself with working in my sleep. It appears very difficult to refocus on different self-fulfilling leisurely activities. The undone tasks surface in sleep. They are the minor ‘nice to have’ tasks that I do not seem to have time for that seem to being saying – you have time now – do me now. I have attempted to address the community related nighttime reminders with daily e-mail correspondence. In 8 days I will know if the interruption of my vacation was as important as it seemed.

This morning I made a connection in thought between the scrubby landscape of my Arizona vacation and my sense of less than well-being. The blackish brown mountain is set far off (and I would not choose it as a view) and the dusty stretch in immediate and constant travel view is full of prickly growth. Some cactus looms tall (with my years or more of uninterrupted growth), some are flowering and nearly all are fortified with thorns. It is a dustbowl with scattered, but connected, activity. I cannot put words to the relationship of what my eyes see, my head connected but somehow I feel this is a representation of my intellect and imagination.

It is time to move along so I will close here. I have a vacation wait for me to engage in it and the driver is preparing for my departure…

standing ... i should be standing

In the news today...i hope someone notices the cause...

Dad agreed to be the hump loan if needed..
We have a committee...
a challenge looms large....
Pulled off a TV show that I hope to see,,,someday....

garbled words...revise, revisit....breathe...

i am the rat in the race ,,,,being tested...

passion is still the primary ingredient...

So. Africa looms large in my future...what does this portend...

a moment ...