Wisdom Quotes - I Read Tea Tags

Oct 2009 revisited

What is it about October and being overcome by life? 

Mark Twain  is quoted on the teabag tag:

                                 The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself. 

This tag does not make it into my trash. I tell myself it is a reminder of my intent to visit Twain's CT home. But, it is more. 

Too often it is an outcome. A most genuine young person's  discomfort overcame him on Oct. 3rd, 2009.

A wise friend eulogized this life as --- an anomaly. 

He was genuine. Do not underestimate the interminable value of such a quality. It made his words drip with honesty, his gestures bleed sincerity, his compassion captivate with clarity, and his life – touch every person who found themselves fortunate enough to cross its path. He was a good man. Let me repeat this statement, for it seems to necessitate an extraordinary emphasis. He was a good man. In these lives we lead, such men are as rare to find as they are difficult to lose.

Being genuine is often a lonely road. I agree with this characterization. As hundreds of young acquaintances and some true friends mingled among disarmed friends-of-family to pay respects or say farewell... another anomaly played out and spoke to the dissonance that created such profound sadness and ultimately, loneliness. 

I am left to wonder if good humor was a mask on this soul, and sadness, the ultimate poison. Masks do more than hide. They reimagine. They cover up and that is not a road to healing.

The Christian burial of this non-believer provided a hyper-view of how anomalies of existence contributed to discomfort.

At the LGTB Rally [National Equality March] many lay claim to the temptation of life taking in the face failure to be accepted and the possibility of equality. To all those attending and knowing such a pain -- may they find strength in the self-knowing exemplified by Lt. Dan Choi. 

May those who feel the pain of distance from family for any reason - may you find a larger human family to connect every day - not just at this rally. 

I am grateful that a trip to the theater helped me know the story of Matt Shepard. I was encouraged as a mother on  10.08.09 that the nation was one step closer to being a better union thanks to a conference report in support of the Matthew Shepard Act before the Senate. Matthew Shepard was a gay student who was beaten to death in Wyoming in 1998. But it was a step, a legislative rider, limited to facilitating investigations of actual acts of violence, not threats of violence or other verbal conduct. Later the Hate Crimes Prevention Act of 2009 was passed

 ~~~ Back to Quotes At age 10, my life's goal was to have a published quote in Reader's Digest. 

In 2009, there were  4242 pages of RD (Reader's Digest Quotes) quotes online. They were categorized as Wit & Wisdom. Now Twitter-sized on-line world, everyone is self-published and searchable. Wisdom is metered out in blogs. It remains a habit, an immediate go-to to find the quotes when I come across an RD magazine.  And I am still in search of wisdom within from with my own experience.

Sips

when one opens
doors passed by in bygone days
inhales 
up-close a fragrance of Prosperity Roses 
teeters on that edge
a foothold in now

sips
a wine nuanced with bourbon barrels
being neither wine nor bourbon
being other
assertive by review and outcome

when one opens
doors in policy of equal chances
rising to the top
sinking to the bottom
flocculating peradventure
intimate and forgiving
carnality
a privilege 
stamen defunct 
musky with age a short blush 
decades rooted 
thus extroverted and demoded 
desired consequences flower
peak masterfully
among seductive
sips

It is the talk that lingers.

~~~~
The poem began as this .... Did it evolve or devolve with a day of attention.

when one opens
doors passed by in bygone days
sips
a wine nuanced with bourbon aged barrels,
being neither, being other, assertive
by review and outcome

doors, in policy of equal chances,
desired consequences
peak masterfully
among seductive
sips.

It is the talk that lingers.

Eternity Made Visible

Upon reading Merton’s elegies
To Hemingway, Thurber and the Monastery Barn
In days closer to my ashes
I appreciate the container – eternity, formed in words.

My Mom tells her Doctor

I am the last. There are no others. I lost my brother.

In this moment she does not belong to the remaining quintet of her children, broken                        two decades before when she lost a son, her favorite.

In this moment she is wandering an eternity made visible, in skies undiluted by humanity.              Her captcha distinguishes her soul from the involuntary carrying-on of her heart.

In this moment her face lightens as if a Spring sun just reminded her of a new season, or                  her one good ear heard the caterwauling of their youthful mischief.

My Mom tells her Doctor

My brother did not know his present. He would not have known                                                                                                     I was not there.

My Mom tells her Doctor

They said "He had a smile on his face." Me too.                                                                                                                                  When I remember.

In this moment I kiss her brow and we carry on.

OMG

What is most scary is the holding of values that diminishes humanity.
The story ..For Hosne Ara by Zahid Al Amin holds so much sadness.
As listeners ...what are we to do with stories that make us cry?

What I can do is assess my values and try in all I do to stay true to them -- knowing that they do not condone such inhumanity. But it does not seem to be enough.

I do not get out much-building community

It was even more evident when I spent Sunday ill from the smells of autumn and the proximity of people. Within the week I was truly miserable. I knew this would be the likely outcome if I spent Saturday Nov 7th at the Conference and ACM-NE 12th Annual Videofestival.

Reflecting on what else I experienced and why I attended given the health risks follows: It was an historic day. An ACM event had not been hosted in CT since around 1995 when State Cable Law was initially overhauled prior to 2007 with Public Act 07-253 I was optimistic that folks interested in Community Access in CT would be represented at this event in numbers. I had my council authorize a subsidy for 49 participants valued at $980 and only $140 will be expended. The response to the resource and networking opportunity was sadly abysmal but unfortunately not surprising. We have been divided in CT by 2007 law and finding consensus in the community is a major challenge.

As I always do when attending ACM event - I make note of what I call participant tiers. Those who have some income related tie to community access and those who have been tirelessly involved as volunteers for years often decades – once my category; now changed not because I make a related income but because I no longer feel I can remain tireless.

I saw exhaustion in the faces and voices of committed individuals I am coming to know with baby steps. While the exhaustion must have felt like a marathon to the event coordinators and their families I know that in this area of service it was merely a sprint.

I have been a volunteer involved with community access for 25 years of which I have had very few hours set aside to enjoy making a video products. I promised myself that I would re-energize every few years with artsy project in the scarcity of hours that are not dedicated to the administrative challenges of service. This year I had the pleasure of producing a 90 minute video during an intense 3 days. I was actually craving for it to be a success because I was needing a win somewhere in life. I was confident in the product for several reasons: advanced use of the technology available to create a unique product, localism in the inspiration and members of the creative team and phenomenal content that inspired me who watched and listened several times in production and never tired of it.

I submitted to ACM-NE in the Arts -Theater category. The content was developed 100% by local talent:– the play, music, acting and video graphic support. The project was the very essence of narrative storytelling. I think I failed to represent the local-ism well enough in the submission paperwork.

I also failed to represent a nominee for an ACM leadership award well enough. If I knew it was an insider award I would not have attempted to get a marathon running volunteer recognized. I submitted the nomination on behalf of a grateful community that found the nominees accomplishments and commitment to be extremely significant; always going above and beyond the call in service to the mission and goals of preservation and growth of community media. Absent a local ACM presence in CT this individual ensured that her community was an ACM organization member. I do not think those outside CT understand just how challenging it has been to keep the idea of community access alive here.

I knew that the award was targeted for ACM leadership but in the absence of proven CT leadership I was hoping that if a CT person was to be recognized this award could could have been used to rejuvenate communities that have been struggling. Taking nothing away from the actual 2009 honoree - whom would have gotten my nomination in 2010 if the efforts of this year continue to materialize a foundation for a solid ACM presence in CT - I foolishly hoped for a broader context of leadership. I hoped that someone whose day job is not at a PEG facility nor a paid advocacy position could be recognized. I hoped that someone whose leadership was not of a political nature - but was reliable and successful would be able to speak to the drought since 1995 and the lessons still to be learned from 2007... and it just seems awkward that the award nomination is made by the person for whom the award is made.

I learned that the resources of the West Hartford Community are bountiful and I thought often throughout the day how nice that would have been to know – a few years back when I invested several days researching possible conference accommodations in CT. That year, my employer changed its facility use policy and no longer allowed outside agencies to use its facilities for weekend events. This gave me one less asset to leverage and made planning to host ACM an unattainable goal give everything-else happening or not happening in my community.

I marveled at the luxury of a real Board of Directors and local community support for West Hartford Community TV. I really marveled. I am trying to nurture a community station whose town leadership wants to put the public face of access out-of-business and underwrites government TV production with more than 2 x the budget of the non-profit public channel in recent days this has become even more challenging. Maybe another blog entry.

In summary some said sometimes efforts are not even grassroots they are just sowing seeds. Seeds need much to take root.... I wonder if there is a building community that will nurture the seeds. I am not even certain of my own resolve.

Revisit and reevalute the learning

In 2005, I scribed these as life lessons learned more than a decade prior.
I was dealing with a vendetta scenario. As this is a life lessons blog, I will recapture them here.
(revisited 2.7.2012)
Public Lynching is a tool of those that believe they have right on their side. Many innocent people have been hung from righteousness. Cats have 9 lives, so purr.

If accused of something with much untruth it is likely that the accuser has some affinity with the untruth. Figuratively, put the accusation on the foot of the accuser and if it fits -- It may help determine root cause of the pain point and derive a survival strategy.

Respect and trust once, if once is too much, remember that you are the type of person that chooses respect and trust; then apply caution as needed.

Taking cover is an act of sanity, not failure. Some natural disasters include the effects of persons with mental defects on their surroundings. It helps to remember that Mental Health is the challenge for the individual at the eye of the storm.

Reality is a challenge. Some factors are the reliability of the source, the timing of the encounter and then there is the predisposition of recipient. We must respect that people may know, differently. When information does not change behavior, you must adjust to take down the wall.