An idea, projects: Some visceral spontaneity, some hyperlink connectivity

What 20 more days without the daily bread anchor has revealed: I think I have an idea that can be actualized bringing much of my loose ends together to achieve my goals. TBD.

What is known:

• I definitely do not want 9-5 (actually 8-7) anymore, but I miss solving business flow puzzles and I do look at what is out there. This is important for several reasons among them being perspective.
• I have a home designed for young people but all my 20Somethings are now, elsewhere.
• I am committed to this community for at least another decade: ironically, just paid lifetime membership to the Wallingford Historical Society.
• I need a plan to underwrite some basic costs that has its own merits as good for me and others.
  

My to-do list from things set-aside to purse daily bread is long; it would have been scary to have seen it in list form while employed. It still is -- so I am still working it without committing it to a check-off format. Maybe I do not want to see it, maybe I do not want to be held hostage to it, maybe it is something my ADD/ADHD enables (or disables me) me to avoid. So my virtual list gets longer each day; especially when I follow Internet connections: Articles to read about things like Collective Intelligence. Videos to listen to with tidbits on non-profit management, editing. I could listen to TED all day long.

For example: I committed to producing video from the DryDock Musical Festival July16-17. 18 hours of capture, already 3 days of re-edit on the 1st 3 hours. This was a good list adjustment. Very enjoyable event. Potential for ongoing meaningful connections. Totally enjoying the work and relearning things in the process. While editing I thought -- could really use some B-roll of the towers. Dilemma: due I use these just found images to insert into the videos and re-render each 1 hour story in multiple formats...probably YES. Since the story is more important than the time. If I had a check-off list, I would need to checked UNDONE for these 3 hours of edit that I thought I finished last night a 9 pm. This is what hyperconnectivity does: provides opportunities but not always with the best timing (what the research is telling us).

My list also includes things ranging from weeding (Ivy has overtaken the property) to video documentaries (several projects here), to completing Dad's Probate Court tasks, to tiling the pool house kitchen (left in process in 2002), to reconstructing stone wall (this one can be checked off, but I keep finding stones to add). Also, Josiah brought the book Siddhartha home for me from his library, because I need less time at computer.

There is more ramblings in my head,,,but I want to get to some of the things on the list before the day gets too hot. But I should probably get that re-edit in process so the computer can be working while I am weeding.

BTW: my list now includes a Sunday Task of Filing with CT Unemployment - this task is now at week 3.

Meandering; some closure anticipated

So I have now experienced 3 unstructured weeks. For me unstructured means without 9 + hours a day committed to a day job with care of others sprinkled in between. In this state of anything can happen --- what did?

Anxiety caused me to seek the money saving efficiencies assumed critical for the next stage of survival. Annual savings derived:approx $2,000. Medical appointments were scheduled. Various areas of clutter were de-cluttered and several remain. I remained on task for the care of the animals within an hour of the schedule they expected. I increased movement in general. I experimented with healthier food choices. I avoided video editing projects that I knew could consume me until week 3. I researched a potential house for flipping and decided that location, location was not enough to overcome black mold and mosquitoes. I got some tasks done for my pet non-profit organizations but not more than I would or could have when employed.

I referred things I found to others...with positive hopes that something may manifest. Today I will try to accomplish a list of things. Maybe I will do lists for a week and see what limited structure yields.

Control -- lack of it causes stress, so redefine

A $2.00 fill-a-bag with books -- church rummage sale has given me much reading material which remains on the To-Be-Read list. I started with Ageless Body, Timeless Mind Deepak Chopra, MD. at the onset of this new beginning...totally oblivious to its potential relevance.

It has been a rewarding journey, thus far. I have reached the second half on practice. Not yet brave enough to venture from reading to doing given the current unsettled household. But I must say that there have been many references to fascinating research. Some literature as well. Of particular note as it rains and there is continuing news of rivers overflowing man devised controls in the daily news I am keenly aware from my shallows. I failed to connect the passage sans citation in my '71 HS yearbook as from Siddhartha. It is followed by my 1st published uncredited scrawling itself an odd renewed recollection of personal experience. I am certain there is a take-away. At the moment I just record.
I am only a ferryman, and it is my task to ferry people across the river. I have transported many, thousands; and to all of them, my river has been nothing but an obstacle on their travels. They traveled to seek money and business, and for weddings, and on pilgrimages, and the river was obstructing their path, and the ferryman's job was to get them quickly across that obstacle. But for some among thousands, a few, four or five, the river has stopped being an obstacle, they have heard its voice, they have listened to it, and the river has become sacred to them, as it has become sacred to me.


And each flake
Of snow
Intricately different
Yet not alone
Is carried on
By the wind
to the waiting ground
maybe to be plowed
forced in a mass
till death
maybe to be shaped into a man of snow with charcoal eyes
Maybe a single flake will melt into a world of its own
Each flake of snow intricately different yet not alone

...insert Henry David Thoreau here ...

You are you and I am I
If we meet it’s beautiful
If not
It’s because
You are you and I am I

I came in hope of finding a way to expand my own reflection, I have found a way to make it something more than what it was.

Weekend -- and sinus pain

Today there was news of another life extinguished early; not a direct victim of war like the 20 year old with 2 weeks left to serve a few towns away. Rather a 20 something whose life never got on a sustainable track. As a boy he welcomed a new comer into the neighborhood; provided a middle school life line. I remember afternoons of manageable mischief at the pool just cleaned again for another summer. Sometimes there is too much murkiness to clean up without intervention. Sometimes the chemicals are wrong. I am not sure what to do with this news or the better understanding of genocide I got with an investment of time with BookTV yesterday. I will be buying When The Stars Fall to Earth by Rebecca Tinsley because the proceeds support solutions. I wonder if there will be a compelling section I can read on Community Television that will add to the awareness that I still have no clue what to do with.

So I continue to absorb and wonder and get distracted by sinus pain; What is to become of these connections before I too am extinguished: either by serving or facing something unsustainable?