Carving out the time for the Socratic Practice of self-examination is more challenging than it should be.. so I tried to use a voice technology to capture the 1st draft and it was close to SAVE then POOF with no UNDO in my knowledge to keep it from total loss. With a deficit that keeps the words in my head so far from words on a page --- I wonder if writing is a fantasy.
I begin again to revisit the a transforming nature writing prompt of 8 minutes. This time unencumbered by the preconceived notion that transform implies good. While there may be eventual good this connection was terrifying in its experience and in each unintended slip in to recall. However this is to be different as I approach with intention the 'seed' to see where it grows.
Immense. Dark. Powerful. WET. An all consuming WET.I feverishly kick with all my might and stretch my fingers with all my will and my voice is screaming inside my head a very important word HELP. It is very important. Is anybody out there? in here, in this murky fast strong water with me and the bubbles. I want to go with the bubbles. Up, up, up out of the water back to the beach - the family - the picnic - the sun - the carefree. I want to live. I want HELP. HELP a very large word joins the water behind my eyes in my head and echoes in the waves. Heavy, strong water does not let me reach as far as I imagine that I can reach. I kick as hard as I can kick but my legs seem to be getting smaller and weaker.I go farther down, covered in wet dark fear. Again and again and again. I will not count. I know lots of numbers. I do not want this to happen that many times. My body is furiously kicking. Paddle joins the word HELP in my head. It sounds instructive and firm. Paddle. HELP. Paddle. HELP. I am not a swimmer but I can dog paddle. I can on top of water. I try. Paddle. HELP. Stronger. Darker. Deeper. My nose fills with water. My mouth opens to breathe. More water. It is dark. No more voices in my head.
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