By Choice

Then it happened. "You know I am not a Christian, right?"  I said this to a gentleman who embodies that word.  He smiled in reply,  That could change. Truth be told, I already had my dance with the devil and the light.

We parted with a hug and my sincere acknowledgment of his faith: "Blessings of the season."  I was not just out of practice or fallen. I was committed to a different REAL.
Originally saved as draft December 2019

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?” “Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse.  “It’s a thing that happens to you.  When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”  “Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit.  “Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”  “Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”  “It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse.  “You become. It takes a long time.  That’s why it doesn’t often happen to people who break easily or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept.  Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby.  But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

from  Velveteen Rabbit

I do not deny the love, that Christ calls Christians too. But as a believer, I was a poser. My faith journeyed me through different traditions with several enduring experiences including huddled under a canopy with a sculpture of Mother Mary during torrential rain in hiding from a Priest and is porn-collector. But through-out, and I do understand the argument of human-frailty, there were too many fakes, too much hypocrisy and too many who lacked the courage of identity. As someone who described an unexpected and colorful penance,  “You want to become real?” who was told to “Then go home this day, shut your door, get on your knees and read."  I found the story of the Velveteen Rabbit affirming my break from all things church.

More recently I have shared time with Muslims who identify with their profession of "Love for All, Hate for none." In this community, women are protected from the men's inclinations toward lewdness and encouraged to be open as they congregate separately. The teachings of Islam, to live with mutual love and affection and with humility seem to need this physical separation to be manifest.