a moment of exhilaration ..

countless hours of commitment remain to be served ... yet the glimmer of hope that maybe a greater purpose will someday be achieved seemed possible as I erected a sign with my life partner ... a sign that signals Special if Permitted.

As stewards of the community's home of free speech and the funds that enable this stewardship -- I remain passionate and well bruised.

More to come...

in all cultures the people love the trickster until it is too late

What has been an almost unspeakable hope, may be crushed by pettiness, in the next few hours.

Community Service lacking community requires volunteers to have a larger vision and a tremendous aptitude for pain. How does one decide the tolerance of pain appropriate in the service of others? Is martyrdom a reasonable life choice?

I have a wise child. He reminds me that truth is not always easy to hear, or swallow and that there is an incredible role model serving our country as President.

Free Speech, community dialogue, and the consensus are challenging. When the facilitators of such things in a community fear the word democracy because it sounds too much like Democrat which sounds partisan -- what is the strategy?

My stomach hates my head today...no consensus on how much to tolerate within the body politic.

I do not get out much-building community

It was even more evident when I spent Sunday ill from the smells of autumn and the proximity of people. Within the week I was truly miserable. I knew this would be the likely outcome if I spent Saturday Nov 7th at the Conference and ACM-NE 12th Annual Videofestival.

Reflecting on what else I experienced and why I attended given the health risks follows: It was an historic day. An ACM event had not been hosted in CT since around 1995 when State Cable Law was initially overhauled prior to 2007 with Public Act 07-253 I was optimistic that folks interested in Community Access in CT would be represented at this event in numbers. I had my council authorize a subsidy for 49 participants valued at $980 and only $140 will be expended. The response to the resource and networking opportunity was sadly abysmal but unfortunately not surprising. We have been divided in CT by 2007 law and finding consensus in the community is a major challenge.

As I always do when attending ACM event - I make note of what I call participant tiers. Those who have some income related tie to community access and those who have been tirelessly involved as volunteers for years often decades – once my category; now changed not because I make a related income but because I no longer feel I can remain tireless.

I saw exhaustion in the faces and voices of committed individuals I am coming to know with baby steps. While the exhaustion must have felt like a marathon to the event coordinators and their families I know that in this area of service it was merely a sprint.

I have been a volunteer involved with community access for 25 years of which I have had very few hours set aside to enjoy making a video products. I promised myself that I would re-energize every few years with artsy project in the scarcity of hours that are not dedicated to the administrative challenges of service. This year I had the pleasure of producing a 90 minute video during an intense 3 days. I was actually craving for it to be a success because I was needing a win somewhere in life. I was confident in the product for several reasons: advanced use of the technology available to create a unique product, localism in the inspiration and members of the creative team and phenomenal content that inspired me who watched and listened several times in production and never tired of it.

I submitted to ACM-NE in the Arts -Theater category. The content was developed 100% by local talent:– the play, music, acting and video graphic support. The project was the very essence of narrative storytelling. I think I failed to represent the local-ism well enough in the submission paperwork.

I also failed to represent a nominee for an ACM leadership award well enough. If I knew it was an insider award I would not have attempted to get a marathon running volunteer recognized. I submitted the nomination on behalf of a grateful community that found the nominees accomplishments and commitment to be extremely significant; always going above and beyond the call in service to the mission and goals of preservation and growth of community media. Absent a local ACM presence in CT this individual ensured that her community was an ACM organization member. I do not think those outside CT understand just how challenging it has been to keep the idea of community access alive here.

I knew that the award was targeted for ACM leadership but in the absence of proven CT leadership I was hoping that if a CT person was to be recognized this award could could have been used to rejuvenate communities that have been struggling. Taking nothing away from the actual 2009 honoree - whom would have gotten my nomination in 2010 if the efforts of this year continue to materialize a foundation for a solid ACM presence in CT - I foolishly hoped for a broader context of leadership. I hoped that someone whose day job is not at a PEG facility nor a paid advocacy position could be recognized. I hoped that someone whose leadership was not of a political nature - but was reliable and successful would be able to speak to the drought since 1995 and the lessons still to be learned from 2007... and it just seems awkward that the award nomination is made by the person for whom the award is made.

I learned that the resources of the West Hartford Community are bountiful and I thought often throughout the day how nice that would have been to know – a few years back when I invested several days researching possible conference accommodations in CT. That year, my employer changed its facility use policy and no longer allowed outside agencies to use its facilities for weekend events. This gave me one less asset to leverage and made planning to host ACM an unattainable goal give everything-else happening or not happening in my community.

I marveled at the luxury of a real Board of Directors and local community support for West Hartford Community TV. I really marveled. I am trying to nurture a community station whose town leadership wants to put the public face of access out-of-business and underwrites government TV production with more than 2 x the budget of the non-profit public channel in recent days this has become even more challenging. Maybe another blog entry.

In summary some said sometimes efforts are not even grassroots they are just sowing seeds. Seeds need much to take root.... I wonder if there is a building community that will nurture the seeds. I am not even certain of my own resolve.

Perspective on Reading

I randomly listen to talk programs. I happened upon a program on Literacy. It was inspiring. Brought me to tears. It included stories about adults making the commitment to read and how this commitment and the reading transformed their lives.

I took away this new perspective on Reading.
The transition from Learn to Read to Read to Learn is where many non-readers get lost in the system. This transition most commonly happens in about the 4th grade.

Celebrate Wallingford Weekend-Freeman

So I wore the big blue Penguin costume again today to promote the cause protection of free speech. I greeted children. I encouraged adults. It was exhausting. My hope is that I made a dent in the sphere of possible. That there will be a ripple that can become viral. That we can begin to make the station a force for good.

quake & waves --- the world became even smaller

Of the Sea - it is hard to imagine the magnitude of the ocean horizon so the tremors of that same ocean is even more remote a plausibility to imagine. But the mother in me suspects its vastness does not compare to the distance created by not knowing about someone dear who is in harms way. I am blessed not to have a child in a war, or ill, or desperately lost in circumstances ... but today I was given a taste of what if. It is so crushing.

Prayers seem an inadequate but appropriate response.

For those in harms way today, I will add my prayers.

[Response to American Samoa - Towering tsunami waves spawned by a powerful earthquake.]

Revisit and reevalute the learning

In 2005, I scribed these as life lessons learned more than a decade prior.
I was dealing with a vendetta scenario. As this is a life lessons blog, I will recapture them here.
(revisited 2.7.2012)
Public Lynching is a tool of those that believe they have right on their side. Many innocent people have been hung from righteousness. Cats have 9 lives, so purr.

If accused of something with much untruth it is likely that the accuser has some affinity with the untruth. Figuratively, put the accusation on the foot of the accuser and if it fits -- It may help determine root cause of the pain point and derive a survival strategy.

Respect and trust once, if once is too much, remember that you are the type of person that chooses respect and trust; then apply caution as needed.

Taking cover is an act of sanity, not failure. Some natural disasters include the effects of persons with mental defects on their surroundings. It helps to remember that Mental Health is the challenge for the individual at the eye of the storm.

Reality is a challenge. Some factors are the reliability of the source, the timing of the encounter and then there is the predisposition of recipient. We must respect that people may know, differently. When information does not change behavior, you must adjust to take down the wall.

How many contradictions does it takes to come into humanness…

I have been graced in recent days by the poems of Edgar Gabriel Silex and the archives of the Library of Congress.

I found a book of poems among many books of poems... I do not recall the specifics by which on the day in February 1998 I came to include this book Through All the Displacements in my collection. Someone went with a group of us to a reading and I recall 3 poetry books being purchased. I took one home. It is inscribed to Sue a name that I do not favor and did not use for myself during this stage of life. I do not remember who made the spontaneous gracious purchase or the specific occasions ---- but in recent days I have felt blessed by this random life event that put in my purview this particular collection by Edgar Gabriel Silex.

The last poem, full of irony for me with the title 'poem without title' sent static through my heart and set a tear in my eye for my own son. My head is now full of distractions; the kind that I hope come to some purpose...but that I fear will just wile away my day.

--time to catch up Highlights only

Well Mom's Day was a day that the family came together as a gift to me. I asked them to explore an idea that involved each of their talents and our dog Jake. It was fun. Next month I will be able to share more.

Dan and Cliff have been working together. I really enjoy watching them feed off each other in creation mode. More about that here: http://www.royalpyngwyn.com/

Charley is gardening. Yesterday, I had a salad with everything grown at home: herbs, spinach, lettuce, and tomatoes. Very nice. On earth day we got a compost bin at a town sponsored event. I attended the event as Freeman Penny Quinn, 1st.

Curt and I made a quick trip to Burlington for ACM. We also pick-up 1,000 lbs of limestone from the VT quarry. We learned that both Apricot and Plum trees can be grown in the No East -- so we now have a mini orchard at home as well.

The kitchen has been totally deconstructed. The kitchen update has been 10 years coming. In about a week it should be realized.

I really need to do this with the correct glasses on since typing is not a skill.

When Silence is what is out of range

This idea is much like 'Does a tree fall in the woods, even if you can not hear it? But until today's CBS Sunday Morning Fast Draw - I only thought of the tree sound as out of range because it is too far away. I did not consider the unheard in a broader range like some silence is by design, some by choice and some by consequence. The Fast Draw Team of Mitch Butler and Josh Landis focused on frequencies designed by Nature not to be humanly heard. The story reminded me of special sound places on the Internet I tagged in 2006: Biosonar and soundtoys. Since 2006 these locations have been part of my silence and that of others with no updates since 2001 and 2006 respectively. I also flashed on my 2004 awareness I2 concerts with musicians sounds coming together from different locations concurrently where silences are being broken still . Then my memory leaped back to then introduction to U2 as a piece of broken record that somehow found its way to my backyard most likely out a car window as folks younger than me challenged the relevance of the 1983 song about 1972. So Reach me, I know I'm not a hopeless case - let me find what is now silent to experience A Beautiful Day, daily.

Pencils, white text and the revelations as history

As I begin to tap at the keyboard -- I sense that I am facing challenges yet to be overcome. Contributors to this sensation include that I do not type, trifocals challenge accuracy in seeing, and what it feels like to write with a pencil is a very distant memory. I face the New Year with fatigue, lack of momentum and an intention to commit to basics. I am half-heartedly assessing the public medium for which I find that ideas must be coaxed, shuffled, strained and simplified to have value. This requires resources that have been depleted.

Therefore I must challenge the purpose of glimpses through stained glass as a blog. Is this just a public scribble? Does it qualify as a journey journal? Can it be more than an expose in my inconsistency and ease of distraction?

Random memory: a peer who communicated with another peer at the day job playfully included personal hidden messages in his emails. His messages were hidden by changing the text from black to white. This sharing was discovered unexpectedly because the email was sent to print and all printed text is in black. What does this story memory invoke? Other memories like the lemon juice experiments of my youth (play, discovery) and thoughts about understanding cloaking,exposure, innovation and all of there potential impact on privacy.

So no deep dives here - just nagging thoughts in response to popular media. Our former VP speaks and I quiver. He infers that terrorists did not succeed in attacking on American soil after 911 - and the true level of threat must remain cloaked. So if Truth is cloaked in fear and hyperbole --- will history reveal if we were protected or scammed by these fear mongers. In the 80's I took a course on International Law. Terrorism was a key subject matter. I believe a Lesson Learned from that course was that terrorists are empowerd by breeding fear. It seems that this is now a living history.