studioW -- free speech via the arts

December 10th 9 pm.

decision 9.9.10

So maybe you have heard – but now you are hearing from me:
I have decided to retire and will be leaving WellPoint no earlier than May 1 but no later than June 30. If that sounds like pseudo code, it is only fitting.
I characterize this change as from WellPoint to Wellness.

March 2011 will be my 31 year anniversary. For someone planning to be in a corporate-like job for only 2 years that is a long run.

Who knew that the non-profit job at BCBS of CT would become, well, so corporate. Retirement for me will not be leisure. I have many community initiatives to partner with as a volunteer. So I will be working the same mission – to improve the lives of the people I serve and the health of my communities. I will continue to work with teams of generous and committed people like you (maybe including some of you) who try to make a difference every day.

integrity & transparency -- owning the risk

How does one determine what is best? Does short term out weigh long? Does security trump opportunity? Does one assume one will live for decades or does one choose to start living? Going along -- numb and day-to-day without a conscious decision to get beyond engagement in securing daily bread ... the unstated is that I will get to a date in the future to be decided by a corporation that my life will change.

I was nudged by hyperbolic crap to think more strategically about ME. When I added ME to the equation I was divided. I woke the ME that did not take or keep the job by choice but rather by default. I woke the ME that does not want to be used, disrespected or overwhelmed.

What I discovered is I can work another year and be NET Neutral... so if I was likely never to be the one to choose a future date I have discovered I can choose now and be faced everyday with real choices for wellness and meaning.

a skill, a tool, a risk

editing:a skill, a tool, a risk and maybe the cornerstone of my retirement. Yes I have decided. I have not slept. It is raining gently. Josiah is off to Burning Man in Nevada in a few hours. And I am heading toward wellness. 5:30 am and the dogs have been walked and fed. A skunk required us to take an alternate walking plan. Through the sleepless night I was smiling. In the light drizzle I sang out it is a beautiful morning. The rain is coming down harder now. Through the night I kept flashing on the good connections in our lives that made the TV station happen beyond expectations and knowing that in this success there is also the promise that we can do it for ourselves as well.

Today I edit my life. It is a risk. Maybe I will find my story.

Note: this line was removed from a document 2 nights ago that I was working on with a team of committed volunteers. It was a good session. The end product is more than the sum of its parts. Again I smile. It is nice to do.

Hugs are back,too.

illusion

Three decades ago I said I want to go to Chicago to live and study and for three decades I owned this, the shallowest of illusions. But today my middle is there with the same mantra and 1000% more potential to claim the city and maybe even someday have it claim him.

I have had the pleasure of visiting twice. This is more than I truly expected I would do when I first claimed the illusion.

I have said of this path not taken, that it was an opportunity stolen. But the truth is that fear of large doors and the cracks made from a short memory are the true source of cement in my Buster Brown loafers. Today, I am year three in Finn Comfort and much less likely to travel afar. Vicarious is my only mode and even there I may be out of my depth.

consuming but MUCH more rewarding

So I am hearing or rediscovering more trigger phrases that deserve exploration or commitment via this space but the next few months are still designed as Overload: Transitions, renovations, new and discovery. A few technology bumps...much relearning, and interesting challenges like making TV with thumbprint digital images.

Much of what I am accomplishing is with my grown children and others like them whose mothers I have yet to meet.

If children do not believe that you care, they will not care what you say,,,,

It is great to see values grow into accomplishment; especially, in the service of others.

Good Friday - No Fool this April

Making some changes.
Making and thereby doing.
Making connection in the service of others.
Making a legacy.
Making a difference.

To the passive aggressive self professed benevolent dictator - not your patsy any more.

Transparency,,,here we come.

Mute Button no longer clickable.

Time it passes...then something reminds you of just that

Time notations.
My best gift - from the middle...24 years ago today.
My job 30 years - a token award to select - most challenging - shall it be a watch.
My last entry - many iterations of bruises and floor plans.

I fail at habits.

I get inspired by random stories of lives that random did not devour.

I seem to know more of muddle, than middle these days.

Daylight will soon be saving time again.