88 ~

Maybe a stretch, horizon, or illusion
My head no longer calculates without aid, the years implied, 27 btw, at this gestational arc of an idea

When she said it, I too wanted to own it. Before 
that moment 
I was busily hapless or hopelessly busy, yet inert.

This suddenly seemed infinitely better.
Ah, to what end the will.

I swear I posted at least once in 2015 .... but nothing is here.

I have always worked in CT. Since 1969 the Connecticut minimum wage rate automatically increased to 1/2 of 1 percent above the rate set in the
Fair Labor Standards Act when the federal minimum wage rate became equal or higher than the State minimum; so I guess I was fortunate to live in CT. In 1969 the Federal minimum non-farm wage was $1.60 an hour; it is now $9.10.

So far I have worked 46 years but not always for pay. I started working at 14; summers in the Tobacco Farm Industry. I do not remember working less than 24 hours a week since age 16. It was the max I could manage while in school. In various iterations of work, family and school the weeks were long. At age 50 I added school back to the balancing act to catch up with the world my kids experienced each day; it was a technology related degree. It is not second nature but it is part of what I do every day working in my community.

How much one gets paid does not lessen the work, eliminate the deadlines, nor accountability; in fact, you really need to believe in it or need it very badly to do it under such circumstances.

You need 35 good years for working to work for you to get the full benefit of Social Security. I did nearly 2 years as a VISTA volunteer for a stipend in 1978-79. For the past four years my work has been uncompensated; my average even with all the hustle and promotions will not be the best but I decided to stop being corporate anyway.

There are times in life when work should come with hustle and time it should come with meaning.

Today however there is an additional complexity:  

I need to ask myself; does enabling others to forgo hustle or the challenges of working more than 24 hours - make me stupid or just used.

Finding Self: Eradicating So

Reexamination of various text has been replete with removal of "so".  The edits have made the text more clear because it has forced me to know better what I had to express. I have not been sorting out the real weeds in my thoughts here.

Yesterday my house was full of strangers and my dog handled it better than I. I did worry that he would respond to a sudden movement, or come to realize it was his ball being passed among little people. I tried to ensure that he would not do something that brought on tears and blood and insurance premium increases because he was undeclared. This was not my family and I sensed a hostility from one that gave me concern  Things could tumble. I gave up an engagement with art for disengagement in my house. I did not effervesce because I did not feel it.

I was about to type "so" and thus I conclude: It was not the best of days. I left much unsaid because the piano had dust, the room had a chill and the preparation was both over and under the top.

ReStart with Challenges

I have been procrastinating for days my return to this blog:  then I try to log in and it is missing. Suspicious activity.  New pw needed. 

As I select PUBLISH I am not sure if it will.