GlimpsesThroughStainedGlass

Required to look for work - TBD

2012-02-01T10:07:00.002-05:00

I work every day ... but currently not for pay. It has beenenjoyable getting to learn new tools and handle the randomness that the worldoffers.

But I have been looking for a potential match of my experience and interests inthe world of work; because it is a requirement and opportunity when you collectunemployment. I signed up today for a keyboarding class. As I tap these keyswithout skill I wonder if that can change. In 6th grade I was certain thattyping was part of a larger plot to dehumanize us. And since we still wereexperiencing Cold War Civil Preparedness -- I assumed it had Cold Warinfluences. Today preparedness has a different dimension ...and I justfeel it is a personal inadequacy to connect my brain to my fingers that is atplay. Anyway ... the no cost opportunity presented itself and I signed up. NowI must survive basic calendar skills and remember to go and become acquantedwith moodle as well.

I also reconnected with the idea of tying all this new media experience andbusiness analysis together to be an e-learning developer. Ironically, as I thought that this wasindeed the path I was setting upon I reviewed a BA position referred to me butfound a lower paying but much more interesting opportunity to apply to calledInstructional Technologist at the same non-profit organization. So for me thisis conceptually a match -- but I must still be found by them and processed. I am excitedabout the prospect but oddly even more excited about the potential of position to do work similar to what I have done in healthcare. But in all these cases others must agree there is a match.

I am using this life requirement as an opportunity... I think this is my nature. The Instrunctional technologies position, lead me to reviewing the companies employees on LinkedIN which connected me to a an e-learning Guild Group. While it does require sifting thru all the self-promotion ,it is exposure to a community of developers, their tools, where open course ware is being developed. It reminded me of that there is a world of good free distance learning available at MIT

I have been getting nearly daily emails, sometimes multiple inquiries, from my publically posted Resume. Very feware within a distance I feel it is safe for me to drive. 4 years telecommutinghas its effects and I am less comfortable driving. So in a few weeks I willpost again and maybe then I will actually be typing, or at least learning to. TBD

Too many MEs

2012-01-29T19:22:00.001-05:00

When the cloud world merges you -- it can be so confusing. Originally my silos were to help process different types of tasks and associations and to stay safe (There is a backstory with guns, and deaths and threats currently locked away). Now my multiple identities trip me up more than they help. But the web is there figuratively and literally with its need for keys (passwords that insist on caps, letters & characters...when i prefer to use all lower case). Ugh.

I have not kept up with the wonders of the random distractions of each day. The discussion of conspicuous consumption (a.k.a. Prius effect), the betterthinking video that really just needed audio, the tweets of Colbert or the walks that farting dogs give notice about -- missing.

I tried to make something of this distraction -- pictures of the Amistad statue in New Haven - but I really did not transform it in any way.

Here are the letters that my fingers are slowly building a relation ship with.
fasde jkl;i ddddd this finger is most challenged. I quess it has not had enough reason to be used to have a natural flow form brain to hand. Anyway i am looking forward to the mavis Beacon typing lessons software. Hopefully $15 well spent.

Serendipity 2012

2012-01-07T12:19:00.000-05:00

So at the back of my mind there was a unspoken intent to do some VideoPoem work in 2012. I really do want to do HEMAN, A Man from Vermont a poem I wrote in 1999 for family (also called What Makes America Work). Here is how it begins:

"Whatmakes America work?'
Grandpa slipped his soul into conversation
like a late night visit to the cookie jar - clandestine
spirit, satisfaction, hmmnn - sweet energy.
His eyes twinkled with exclamation: "It's people!"

Isuspect this old Democrat who fettered party fundraising letters
with the lavishness of a nesting Oriole - took a vital life step, the day
this question "What makes America work?" infested his psyche.

At a recent gathering for the passing of his eldest daughter, I met some of his great-grand children who had their firmest recall of the man from pictures and this poem. One greatgrandaughter was intently working on geneology and scrapbooking of the family story ... she had some pictures. I promised to connect -- but wanted to be firmly ready for the journey. I am yet to be.

As my last post suggests I am a believer in collaboration ... even in the arts, maybe, most especially. Here the reflective nature of evolving in connection with others can be powerful.

As I make this post I remember my 1st encounter with the book Transforming Vision: Writers on Art (the Art Institute of Chicago). Within that collection of art and words Stuart Dybek reflects upon finding light at the Institute in the essay Killing Time. He was jobless. His experience of the Public Library was juxtaposed with the Institute -- as a place for the displaced and dispossessed drowsing over enormous tomes or reading. This was 1990. Today it echoes with enormous ripples. In a recent reintroduction to my expanded welcoming suburban hometown library as a person whose job was terminated I had similar reflections about its inhabitants.

So on the 1st Monday of 2012 I set upon a task to find collaborators for my Community TV Station: Potential content developers and Board Members.

Within this effort which involves searches & hyperlink following I stumble into another opportunity for collaboration with CT artists as I get wowed by a photographer that has a way with capturing light and a sound designer that I had the pleasure of being LinkedIN with whose share brought me to this enchanting composition and I think to myself herein is a video poem in search of words. Then I get a call from a decade done life that connects me with a poet whose words appear to connect both

Let's start turnin' the pages and viewing these urban cages as places to grow up sages and setiin' the stages ... for a revolution. A Light Revolution. Cementing futures in liberation and resolution of the knife to our neighbor and the knife to ourselves. Twelve is the number of daisies coming up through the sidewalk. Talk to me about your dreams and all the places in between the snow falling slow.

So I seek permission to collaborate to make a video poem.

So it appears that in March my toils will be enchanting... but I am not wishing my days away 'til then... as they are full of civic collaborations of which I am as eager to get underway, well. BetterFood4all is being launched as initially outlined in this post.

collaboration of knowledge sharing

2011-11-22T18:35:00.001-05:00

Recent articles about boomers and unprecedented growth in new non-profits got me wondering why collaboration is such a challenging outcome for humans. So it was refreshing to stumble upon the WikiMEDIA personal plea for support posted by its founder. I gave.

What is the Future

2011-11-16T10:17:00.001-05:00

Reminds me of the question on Middle School blog -- where will you be in 25 years, identify three outcomes. It is all relative. 25 years was identified because it was conderably after the future they considered.. going to or graduating from High School. Nearly all identified the classic married with kids scenarios circa the '50s. Most projected the teacher continuing to be kool and happier at what he does..teach out-side of the box. A few anticipated being successful

I reflect that my future has been and remains tied to the futures of my children. I just consulted with them indicating that if I continue in this vein of planning I can leverage my asets for the good of all. However, if my future is defined based on prioritizing me only the outcomes will be different.

anoesis - word of the day

2011-10-24T11:31:00.002-04:00

\an-oh-EE-sis\ , noun;

A state of mind consisting of pure sensation or emotion without cognitive content.

Is this where my mind goes when while walking the dogs I suddenly realize I have no awareness as to the status of them doing their business? I think I call it LOST. Is this more of a tweet like thought than a blog post. Or would the tweet be : Have you been to anoesis lately, if so what did you find there?

On my way to anoesis yesterday I discovered the story of stuff. and made some creativity connections.
I wonder where getting Lost will take me today? In the interim, I hope to read the blogs here and comment with the intention to increase digitial literacy (theirs and mine).

AARP --- Service Essay

2011-10-20T16:34:00.000-04:00

I was pretty sure no other Senior would be submitting this topic for the Essay on Service for Create The Good because it is tremendously challenging to get folks to even understand what Community Access TV is. So this is what I have been doing and will continue to do unless something better comes my way. I might as well share this since I took the time to prepare it. I look forward to voting on the top 7 of 1800 submissions to Create The Good.
~~~
Volunteering is now Full-Time: Helping Community TV Make a Difference for those Making a Difference

In 2011, I was transformed from a volunteer community media administrator type lynchpin (advisory boards, bylaws, policies) into a front-line volunteer: discovering, capturing, producing and sharing the stories of other lynchpin Seniors who have kept the engines of service and democracy going in my town. Unplanned early retirement was the trigger for this change. I now have the flexibility to Make TV for my Community Access Station.

From Janice the Grange Fair coordinator for 50 plus years to the two couples keeping the Wallingford Historical Society tours going and bells ringing on the 4^th of July since 1962; to Nancy whose Community Dinner idea some thirty years ago is critical for these times; to Rich who opened the DryDock Sober Café, turning his retirement into helping others do better with what he struggled with – addiction; to the Holy Joes’ Café, getting coffee to Service Chaplains, a story that was to end with the end of the wars; to Cheryl’s Soup Kitchen et.al ministry Masters’ Manna whose clients tripled…to Citizen Mike a local commentary show that is now an integral part of the community conversation: I have been part of getting these, and other stories, told digitally.

All of these passionate 55 and much over folks, doing their thing and wishing they had more people doing it with them, are strangers to new media. They want to wisely transition their legacy to the current ‘new media’ generation. My story is about telling theirs and making these connections in my town (Wallingford,CT).
~~
If you wish to join me, I did post the volunteer opportunity on this site as well. It is to appear here within the next 48 hrs.

Cracked -- In My Timeline

2011-10-19T02:14:00.002-04:00

I make this late blog entry, so it seems I am already behind in my 1st week of being 58. All in all it was a good start to another year. My intent is to blog on Sunday.

Sunday was a full day. Travel to NYC consumed much of it. Classic Vinyl was the soundtrack. The roadways were busy. The weather was unexpectedly pleasant. The task at hand was video capture of the play Cracked Upon a Time written and directed by Josiah Houston. The performance was at TheaterLab. This was my second video capture of this play. This time the equipment was more reliable and the white vs. black box provided more suitable lighting for the unmanned cameras set to Automatic. There were other changes as well that made this particular theater experience more engaging than the last even as I tried to concentrate on camera transitions within the on-site quick edit.

I did find myself more familiar with my video capture toolkit but still far from comfortable in my knowledge. I am eager to get into post production and be lost in the macro-editing decisions. I know my quick edit with Tricaster Studio is good enough for community access but it will not be good enough for Piece Theatre.

Sunday was a good conclusion to a week that was diverse. I believe the encoding issues I have been plagued by since August have been resolved. I received notice that my Free Speech Week Video took 1st place in Documentary Event in the ACM-NE Video Festival. I finished a project for Seniors Have Dreams, Too and met Peter Yarrow (who had just come from Occupy Wall Street -video) and Hilton Valentine was among the event guests. I got to work again with Paul Braccioforte on this project. I also spent 10 hours looking at the work of newbie bloggers and provided some feedback and maybe insight. I look forward to doing this again as part of my media advocacy activities. I did my 1st Tweets. Tried to keep up with all my newsletter mail new ones from AARP. I hope to spend some time here fine tuning my self throughout the year.

Posts left in draft...

2011-10-10T13:09:00.003-04:00

left in draft 10 days ago..discussion, expansion, and reconsideration
Yesterday I stumbled upon these three words that seemed to be the essence of the communication process sans the outcomes in a discussion about filler words: It was an envigorating converstation that likely has a few reconsidering their approach within certain context. I smiled as I read a post ..

8.11.08 stories that cause laughter - best kind
12.9.09 Integrity where are you ... there is so much energy expended for what?
6.13.10 Sandbox - a reflection chaos, idealism, musings (draft post follows)

Transcript excerpt of recent official meeting that set this reflection in motion

But it's not our job to dictate or to control how you people are going to get along in the sand box. That's up to you. We don't own the sand box. We don't regulate the sand box. You're in the sand box; we're not. We regulate only what the law allows us to regulate. So, yes, we do have ultimate authority over this request, but we don't have the ability to tell you people to talk nice to each other. That's not our job.

My real world experiences with sandboxes: at my childhood home, a sandbox with green shallow sides was shared among 6 siblings. Here we created castles and had travel adventures with toy vehicles. In later life, constructing a sandbox for my children was overwhelming; the sheer volume of bags of white sand to be purchased. And, here were a few public park observations that engendered a delightful sense of well-being experience.

The metaphor used in the context of this meeting provoked the gut response - this sandbox was arbitrarily defined by the commercial interests of cable cowboys and politicos without any concept of who would be expected to play in it, their compatibility or shared interests or lack thereof, of playing nicely in a confined area. Aren't public sandboxes where little kids stake out their territory and big kids trample little kids castles (bullies) and rarely over time of repeated play date encounters friends or enemies are formed. My gut reactions spiralled as words in my head concurrent with the raising of my brow, swallowed silence followed by a guttural gasp of what!!.

So what is this metaphor really about. In deep dive reflection as to its game theory application one could posit that the central context is pure, free, open to young-child imaginings. However, game designers must account for a wide range of dynamic interactive elements in addition to free-play. The space is contained and the goal is to have fun...build castles where wars may be fought. Control of interactions is a complex, not a simple design consideration.

Social media discussions refer to the Sandbox covenant (p 7 of 12): Where open needs rules - again for interaction. This particular metaphor reference sites 2 levels: a protected place for innovation to do its value-creating experimental work and the container for the innovator's gritty sand, protecting the larger organization from the risky rough ideas.

This video explores the metaphor. (I was view 54 in 2010). It deserves more. It is described as Quasi-documentary that explores social integration in the desert through three spatial metaphors: (1) Child's fantasy in the sandbox, Marine/army training in the sandbox, and an Artist's imagination in the sandbox. Made for graduate studies course called "Mapping The Desert/ Deserting the Map" taught by Dick Hebdige at University of California Santa Barbara.

So -- where does this metaphor leave me. Well more than a year later the sandbox is being reviewed and may be paved over. I have yet to comment on Docket 11-08-06 of the reorganized agency PURA or DEEP.

celebrating life..

2011-10-10T12:40:00.000-04:00

Last evening I enjoyed the new NATGEO Series: Brain Games. It was very informing. It is truly amazing how much has been learned about brain function. I saw it as the beginning of the celebration: of my, less than reliable lately, super computer essential to every waking thought and sensation. It was odd to be watching TV and have a voice say to you -- now close your eyes. Tears did well up as I heard the comment ... that should have been much easier; as I was totally lost.

EEG and MRI were the adventures this past week. Goo on the head. I did go to sleep, presumably a good thing for the test that yields 200 pages of brain analysis. I was told a ringtone story that was odd about beer & Mexico. Have no idea why that meaningless info is still in recall mode. The MRI was an exercise in breathe control, trying not to cough for nearly an hour; done to what was described to me as relaxing music -- which was totally awful music with occasional suggestive statements. I wondered what would I choose as relaxing... but that day, nothing came to mind. Just now, same question and I recall the CD I have of Native American Music. I sometimes play it for the dogs and cats to chill out to, and me too. It is called Red Sky, with flutes and gentle percussion and nature sounds -- it is a salute to sunsets.

This tangent thought reminds me of the smile I always quite literally feel when I play the CD by Kevin Briody: When No One's Watching. (You can buy it here.) These 2 CDs are adjacent on the shelf. I bought a second copy for my step daughter's family. I also made a $100 contribution to NPR for a something very special in my youth (What it was I cannot recall.) I am certain she never listened to it either. I love the title song and Walnuts & Rice. I think they are empowering in their simplicity. He is sorta folk / country. I remember last Christmas I told my peers at work about this CD, the peers that were very dedicated to family that still had young children. I hope they took action. Maybe I will reconnect to remind them, and ask. When Josiah was doing the poetry tour as Dan Houston @2000 -- he opened for Kevin. I should look into buying more CDs -- but the no job thing, needs to be sorted out 1st.

Both sons have called with B'day wishes. Doing projects with these two together is what has given me the most joy in recent years. The ribbons headlining this blog have been used to share B'day wishes with friends over the years. It was a photo taken by Heather for a school project. This weekend I was the Freeman Penny Quinn. The weekend included doing some artsy stuff with her which was also quite fun. She is clever. I like the lady she is becoming.

Anyway, I think this post should draw to a close as the interruptions have been numerous and my day needs to productivity. Unfortunately, I have yet to consider blogging productive --probably erroneously.

No Time Four Tear

2011-09-27T10:16:00.003-04:00

NoTime4Tears...was my original shorthand. Then this typo "four" became the extension of my thoughts about the 4th R: Reflection and the struggle I have always had with taking the time to slow down and focus. The words in my head always saying there is no time.

A few posts back I reflected on the now missing connections in my day-to-day that I need to fix. My brain seems to hear that neural integration in the heart of health but when I try to just stop and breathe it literally hurts.

It is this fourth element of life for which I have had no training and anxiety and fear have dominated. Oddly I do seem to have a strong sense of 'empathy' and it is reflection on what brings me to tears that I think may help me realize that there was true intent by our forefathers use of the phrase 'pursuit of happiness'. As a book in my Sociology 100 course (not to be confused with The Pursuit of Happyness - a truly awe inspiring memoir story by Chris Gardener)-- what was my take-away? who wrote that slim red covered somewhat controversial book? My memory not revealing much more than shallows. All too common.

Anyway, today my take-a-way is the reach, concurrently, pursuit of happiness as a construct (with readings like this) and a practice (learning mindUp stuff) while developing the elements of MeanWhile (that whole no linear communication, dramatic presentation idea floating around in my broken brain) to accomplish what it is I was meant to...of course, before I forget. (tongue in cheek).

home

2011-09-23T20:33:00.001-04:00

Today my home was a seen as a place of piece and opportunity. Sharing it will make the world a little more comfortable for those soon to be under this roof. It feels very right.

I am reminded of my favorite childhood book: The Family Nobody Wanted. I understand thanks to Google that it is released with an epilogue by Helen Doss that updates the family's progress since 1954. This now must be on my to be read list.

The Rene & Nonna Wellek books I purchased through Powell's arrived. It seems that it is time to take some pleasure in reading. Especially fitting on what appears to be Banned Book Week: Sept 24 to Oct 1. I wish I had realized this designation of the week sooner as this is something our Community Access Station should rally around.

2011-09-12T11:17:00.003-04:00

Today I subscribed to NYMAG and posted in 911 Collected Works What about the Movie: Severe Visibility by Paul Cross? This movie handles, in a profoundly compassionate way, the tensions felt by patriotic Americans that question the transparency of government. Or maybe there is not room in the NY selection for patriots that share the sadness of loss, pride in responders and soldiers; but have doubts about the roots of terrorism.

Collected Works is a well done tribute collection. Very honorable in it presentation; respectful within the selection of traditional media.

Saturday, my day was full of interruptions due to disclaimers and disassociations with the decision to guarantee the distribution of this movie in my community.

I believe that if this type of FreeSpeech , speech thoughtfully rendered, is discredited; then Free Speech will become just the parlance of 'whack-o' esque types -- that exercise their rights by name calling, ranting and self-promotion.

If Free Speech is an excercise in defeat at the get; what does the future of democracy hold?

Kudoes Mr. President

2011-09-09T21:06:00.003-04:00

Loved the mixed media presentation. Loved the Call to Action. Loved the short and long term elements. Loved the priorities set. Loved the Common Ground established by the selection of the Job Act Components.

I value the idea that the President can lead by example on the idea of Common Ground. It is rare that a person in power; facing the politics and hypes of the day, can hold true to ideals of democracy with such Grace.

It is now time to PASS THIS BILL.

The Right Tone 9|11 10 years later

2011-09-08T14:11:00.006-04:00

There is lots of Special Media coverage about the 10th anniversary of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks. The themes range from “Where are they now? to “What do you remember of that day?” with a few ‘in-depth” reports on health & well-being of survivors. In commercial television the question of ‘not to appear to be exploiting the events for financial gain’ is the primary challenge. But for Community Access Channels the question to be asked is “What does the public believe about the events of 9/11?” With the bountiful programming on the truths of devastation; there is little mass media attention given to ideas that raise questions about the ‘truths’ about the devastations root cause.

The heartfelt sadness over the loss that day and each day in subsequent acts of war are where; as the President often says “Americans share a common ground.” But the principals of democracy are also where we are to share a common ground and in this regard – the freedom to question or inform on the root cause of this need for national grief is vital to our nationhood.

Public Television will commemorate the 10th anniversary of 9/11 with programs honoring the heroes, victims, and enduring spirit of New Yorkers. Public Access television will represent the community and diversity of ideas to the extent content was developed or acquired by citizens of Wallingford.

Sometimes it is challenging to sift out what is myth, magic, conspiracy or transparency in the information available today. Someone who is willing to die for the right to think and say what one wishes – could feel compromised if that means enabling someone who passionately holds facts and concerns about conspiracy to distribute such views. Similar challenges arise with Hate Speech – is there a line to be crossed or drawn? But the American idea of Free Speech assumes that it is not ‘allowing people to promote ideas & dialogue about concerns’ that weaken the bonds of society – not the speech itself.

WPAA-TV is dedicating the date 9/11 to 9/11 related content from 9AM to Midnight. The content includes information about Holy Joes Café, Yellow Ribbons, poems, etching, songs, bells, bagpipes, services, photographs as well as a Movie: Severe-Visibility written and directed by Paul Cross. This movie handles, in a profoundly compassionate way, the tensions felt by patriotic Americans that question the transparency of government. It can stand alone as a Movie – with a conspiracy theory theme. However, It is based on a true personal account –following his look at the Pentagon crash site one day after the attack.

It was also produced on a low budget and is a benchmark for excellence for local producers seeking to tell a compelling story, whatever the topic. Whether you believe the U.S. Army Major in this story is a hero or anti-hero the movie may be just what you need to see to determine what it is you can allow yourself to believe about 9|11.

The 90 Minute Movie Severe-Visibility will play Sept 11 at 9:30 AM; 6:30 PM, 9:00PM and 10:30 PM WPAA-TV. WPAA-TV is available in Wallingford on Comcast 18, statewide on ATT-99 and on the Internet at WPAA.TV

Reoccurring Realizations and Rain

2011-09-08T04:13:00.005-04:00

‘Ah, that is what I was doing.’ The voice in my head says ‘you should count these’, these times that you were lost & found. Then the idea passes. Counting that is, immediately distracted by how familiar this eureka, what was once mere recall, seems over the most mundane of things: cat food cans open, tea in microwave, shoes in room x, list on table b, vitamin on the counter, stove on…with unmonitored scary outcomes, lights left burning. Sometimes the smells call me back to the kitchen. And I fear that more times, will be alarmed for smoke, if I do not get more connected. Yes I think the issue is staying connected.

When I try to speak of these instances of forgetfulness, the ‘me too stories’ of misplaced keys, missed b’days or late recall of appointments are instant retorts from the listener. And I know that it is common to forget – maybe due to excessive busyness or poor list management; but when is being ‘disconnected’ from what you are doing become outside of the understandable. What is the benchmark, the count? What is not common?

My son suggests it is not a topic for jest, or discussion. It is not real – this loss of mindfulness. My partner – jests. He shares the room and the life that will become more unknown to me and he too does not want this to become more real.

I have a T-shirt and bumper sticker that says “I do what the Voices in my head tell me”. In jest, the retort is it would be a better imprint if it said “I do what the Voices in my head remember to tell me”. Lists I try them. Forget them. They find different places like cell phone and keys and those documents made specifically to not go in such circles again. My life’s work was geared toward removing redundancy and now I feel captive to it.

The silver lining: I like the feeling of remembering ideas previously connected to. Not experiences so much. With ideas I rehearse remembering, the voice in my head repeating key phrases so that in the short term I will be able to engage in potentially engaging conversations. If too much time passes, and I am not certain what the duration is, these key phrases come back to me as sounds I cannot quite catch. Not quite the same as searching for a name to go with a face; it is more like a hum of words to a song that is familiar but you really do not know the lyrics. This happened to me before. When I tried to learn another language and when my Instructors had strong accents. One thing I do recall is this feeling associated with my Final Exam for Russian Literature.

As I try to recall – I think her name was Nona (it just came to me as I stretched into remembering) Welleck (spelling to be confirmed). She was particular taken with an author whose name began with a G. I was too; but without doing an Internet search I will not be able to tell you the author or the compelling interest. She was a young communist by lack of options. She was married to a significantly older man (maybe too due to lack of options) and they lived on St. Ronan St. (a street that holds some intrigue). He too was published and in many languages. He was employed by Yale and she was slumming teaching at SCSU. All this is shallows from a time that I ingested ideas and seemed full of excitement connecting literature, history and social relevance together. But not one of these bits of knowledge come to me…but I know if I see something in print I may feel a Eureka rush of recall – that will be like mist within no time at all.

I know the mind is capable of more. I see its elasticity and girth in the gifts of my son and partner and I vaguely recall such capabilities from my childhood. I know I scored incredibly high in mechanical aptitude (Military Entrance Exam) at 17 when my only exposure to such things was overheard conversations between my brothers & father at dinner. There was a time when I was connecting. I wanted to study Russian via immersion. Long ago assumptions of capability.

As I post I realize that this scribble has taken a few hours to construct and that I started it in the middle of the night because the rain was making me anxious: intense downpours, winds and thunder. I actually felt afraid...and wanted distraction. I am now hearing it again through the voices and I am tired...so I will go back to my pillow and wish intently for sleep.

Launched YouTube Channel OTPGWPAA

2011-08-16T11:20:00.003-04:00

It is challenging to schedule shorts on the Community Access Channel. They can be filler and seen if someone is surfing. So in addition to submitting to WPAA-TV some shorts will be posted on the OntheParadeGround You Tube Channel

There are a few Versions of Blood On Our Hands on this Channel because viewers provided great feedback to improve the piece. The final Remix can be viewed here.

Insight -- that wakes me with a to do list

2011-08-12T20:36:00.028-04:00

Seeking informing content for the WPAA-TV 2011 celebration of Free Speech Week Oct 17-23rd has been my latest distraction. The outcomes have been inspiring, at least to me.

Outcomes: Permission to schedule starting in Sept the film Severe Visibility, a dramatization of a theory on 911 events for 911 10th anniversary programming; and from 10.15.11 and 12.3.11 the documentary (Tradesman: Making an Art of Work). This program compliments the celebration of contributions by local tradesmen who volunteered to renovate the 1924 Barn into a Community Access TV studio/Black Box Theater in the face of public naysayers.

In process: An idea. Illustrate the power of alternative media. How: Do a local video capture of opinions and the power of informing those opinion holders with alternate media with an in-house event at 28 So. Orchard St. Open House Event: House Party at the Home of Free Speech serving Hot Coffee with the potential participation in Talk Back of one of my favorite commentator's on media.

Purchased 2 DVDs based on the permissions and prepared Guarantor Paperwork
Locate contact info and used it to reconnect with Prof. Paul Janensch
Started inquiry permissions process for the movie Hot Coffee on Civil Justice which is now showing on HBO. (I highly recommend viewing this work. It informs well. It may inspire you to take action. Stella is a hero. Director Susan Saladoff has a great sense of story. Bravo! This work should be on '50 Documentaries To See Before You Die' which is now showing on Current TV.

October will be busy as the play Cracked Upon a Time will be performed by PIECE Theater at Living Theater Oct 13 - 22. studioW volunteers will be doing video capture of this WPAA-TV partner event. This play was staged at studioW at WPAA in Dec 2010 as the 1st performance event in the new facility to an awed crowd. Another must see.

OMG

2011-08-11T11:17:00.005-04:00

What is most scary is the holding of values that diminishes humanity.
The story ..For Hosne Ara by Zahid Al Amin holds so much sadness.
As listeners ...what are we to do with stories that make us cry?

What I can do is assess my values and try in all I do to stay true to them -- knowing that they do not condone such inhumanity. But it does not seem to be enough.

What day is it?

2011-08-10T10:28:00.005-04:00

It is more challenging to know what day it is. Yesterday I completed preparation for the ACM-NE Video Festival which I had expected to complete the prior day. The M&M Remix has been completed and is in the mail to SOL. So two things can be checked off as complete. I have enjoyed delving into video editing --- but I need to still the 'voice in my head' saying that it needs validation. I have six submissions, all technically challenged. If content is truly king and creativity gets points... maybe there will be some validation in these efforts.

There is still too much clutter in catching up with the last decade of undone. So back to clutter diving I go...

Now on SuleKha

2011-08-05T09:39:00.004-04:00

Well my idea has been kickstarted with registration on Sulekha.com , the 2002 tiling project is complete and looks pretty nice, the re-edits are done for DryDock Music Festival and adding the B-roll truly adds to the story.

As the stock market is in chaos I have put Dad stuff off again. I have also deactivated my Unemployment claim -- and will revisit in Dec if needed.

Yesterday found some yang to my ying. My cholesterol numbers improved immensely due to diet: less cheese and add nuts. Unfortunately that yielded 5 cavities. I never anticipated nuts would be a teeth health risk.

I will be doing a challenging edit today, deciding what may be worth submitting to a video festival and trying to deny the existence of this poison ivy. I know I will not succeed with all three.

An idea, projects: Some visceral spontaneity, some hyperlink connectivity

2011-07-30T09:26:00.015-04:00

What 20 more days without the daily bread anchor has revealed: I think I have an idea that can be actualized bringing much of my loose ends together to achieve my goals. TBD.

What is known:

I definitely do not want 9-5 (actually 8-7) anymore, but I miss solving business flow puzzles and I do look at what is out there. This is important for several reasons among them being perspective.
I have a home designed for young people but all my 20Somethings are now, elsewhere.
I am committed to this community for at least another decade: ironically, just paid lifetime membership to the Wallingford Historical Society.
I need a plan to underwrite some basic costs that has its own merits as good for me and others.

My to-do list from things set-aside to purse daily bread is long; it would have been scary to have seen it in list form while employed. It still is -- so I am still working it without committing it to a check-off format. Maybe I do not want to see it, maybe I do not want to be held hostage to it, maybe it is something my ADD/ADHD enables (or disables me) me to avoid. So my virtual list gets longer each day; especially when I follow Internet connections: Articles to read about things like Collective Intelligence. Videos to listen to with tidbits on non-profit management, editing. I could listen to TED all day long.

For example: I committed to producing video from the DryDock Musical Festival July16-17. 18 hours of capture, already 3 days of re-edit on the 1st 3 hours. This was a good list adjustment. Very enjoyable event. Potential for ongoing meaningful connections. Totally enjoying the work and relearning things in the process. While editing I thought -- could really use some B-roll of the towers. Dilemma: due I use these just found images to insert into the videos and re-render each 1 hour story in multiple formats...probably YES. Since the story is more important than the time. If I had a check-off list, I would need to checked UNDONE for these 3 hours of edit that I thought I finished last night a 9 pm. This is what hyperconnectivity does: provides opportunities but not always with the best timing (what the research is telling us).

My list also includes things ranging from weeding (Ivy has overtaken the property) to video documentaries (several projects here), to completing Dad's Probate Court tasks, to tiling the pool house kitchen (left in process in 2002), to reconstructing stone wall (this one can be checked off, but I keep finding stones to add). Also, Josiah brought the book Siddhartha home for me from his library, because I need less time at computer.

There is more ramblings in my head,,,but I want to get to some of the things on the list before the day gets too hot. But I should probably get that re-edit in process so the computer can be working while I am weeding.

BTW: my list now includes a Sunday Task of Filing with CT Unemployment - this task is now at week 3.

Meandering; some closure anticipated

2011-07-08T10:24:00.005-04:00

So I have now experienced 3 unstructured weeks. For me unstructured means without 9 + hours a day committed to a day job with care of others sprinkled in between. In this state of anything can happen --- what did?

Anxiety caused me to seek the money saving efficiencies assumed critical for the next stage of survival. Annual savings derived:approx $2,000. Medical appointments were scheduled. Various areas of clutter were de-cluttered and several remain. I remained on task for the care of the animals within an hour of the schedule they expected. I increased movement in general. I experimented with healthier food choices. I avoided video editing projects that I knew could consume me until week 3. I researched a potential house for flipping and decided that location, location was not enough to overcome black mold and mosquitoes. I got some tasks done for my pet non-profit organizations but not more than I would or could have when employed.

I referred things I found to others...with positive hopes that something may manifest. Today I will try to accomplish a list of things. Maybe I will do lists for a week and see what limited structure yields.

Control -- lack of it causes stress, so redefine

2011-06-21T19:25:00.026-04:00

A $2.00 fill-a-bag with books -- church rummage sale has given me much reading material which remains on the To-Be-Read list. I started with Ageless Body, Timeless Mind Deepak Chopra, MD. at the onset of this new beginning...totally oblivious to its potential relevance.

It has been a rewarding journey, thus far. I have reached the second half on practice. Not yet brave enough to venture from reading to doing given the current unsettled household. But I must say that there have been many references to fascinating research. Some literature as well. Of particular note as it rains and there is continuing news of rivers overflowing man devised controls in the daily news I am keenly aware from my shallows. I failed to connect the passage sans citation in my '71 HS yearbook as from Siddhartha. It is followed by my 1st published uncredited scrawling itself an odd renewed recollection of personal experience. I am certain there is a take-away. At the moment I just record.
I am only a ferryman, and it is my task to ferry people across the river. I have transported many, thousands; and to all of them, my river has been nothing but an obstacle on their travels. They traveled to seek money and business, and for weddings, and on pilgrimages, and the river was obstructing their path, and the ferryman's job was to get them quickly across that obstacle. But for some among thousands, a few, four or five, the river has stopped being an obstacle, they have heard its voice, they have listened to it, and the river has become sacred to them, as it has become sacred to me.

And each flake
Of snow
Intricately different
Yet not alone
Is carried on
By the wind
to the waiting ground
maybe to be plowed
forced in a mass
till death
maybe to be shaped into a man of snow with charcoal eyes
Maybe a single flake will melt into a world of its own
Each flake of snow intricately different yet not alone

...insert Henry David Thoreau here ...

You are you and I am I
If we meet it’s beautiful
If not
It’s because
You are you and I am I

I came in hope of finding a way to expand my own reflection, I have found a way to make it something more than what it was.

Weekend -- and sinus pain

2011-06-19T18:09:00.005-04:00

Today there was news of another life extinguished early; not a direct victim of war like the 20 year old with 2 weeks left to serve a few towns away. Rather a 20 something whose life never got on a sustainable track. As a boy he welcomed a new comer into the neighborhood; provided a middle school life line. I remember afternoons of manageable mischief at the pool just cleaned again for another summer. Sometimes there is too much murkiness to clean up without intervention. Sometimes the chemicals are wrong. I am not sure what to do with this news or the better understanding of genocide I got with an investment of time with BookTV yesterday. I will be buying When The Stars Fall to Earth by Rebecca Tinsley because the proceeds support solutions. I wonder if there will be a compelling section I can read on Community Television that will add to the awareness that I still have no clue what to do with.

So I continue to absorb and wonder and get distracted by sinus pain; What is to become of these connections before I too am extinguished: either by serving or facing something unsustainable?

So far it seems like a really long Saturday with naps

2011-06-16T17:33:00.003-04:00

So last Monday was the 1st Monday in 35 years that I did not have a job. It is much to get ones' head around.

I did not dump into this state of being gradually because my last employed days played out like all that came before: Compressed Project Timeline. Deliverables. Teamwork. Business Needs awaiting solutions. Unpaid Over-time. I am still unsure what my true feelings are about what I dubbed my Last Hurrah Project -- which connected decades of dots to re-engineer the subsystem I supported so that I would no longer be needed. I am satisfied with the product and the teamwork it took to get it done. I am unsettled in my feelings about the manner in which the scope & scheduling was handled. But it is past and I need to be more present so I can find the right future.

Part of the future will be noted here. So this is the simple start.

studioW Express Show Perform 2-25

2011-02-18T20:10:00.008-05:00

The Virtual Gates of Heaven
by David Garlock
The Anthology
by Susan Cinoman

Directed by: Ann Finateri and Randy Laist

Doors open at 8:30 PM

Featuring: Rose Lamoureux, Rob Iulo, Kevin Long, Cassie Iulo, Quint Johnson, and Virginia Skinner In the one-act dream play “Virtual Gates of Heaven,” a Bible-thumping televangelist dies and arrives at the entrance to Heaven, only to discover that none of his expectations about the after-life are to be fulfilled. Technological advances, corporate mergers, downsizing and globalization persist beyond the grave. All of his preconceptions about eternal bliss are upended, as the purgatorial processing of his bedraggled soul is undertaken by Heaven’s gatekeeper, the Archangel Gabriella.

Social Action Art at studioW

2011-02-08T18:44:00.002-05:00

studioW events have packed the house.
The next event Drama & Drums is Feb 25th at WPAA-TV 28 So. Orchard St.

The Dec 10 WorldPremier debut of the parody Rockperetta Zombie Vs. Vampire can be still be viewed on-line at Video-on-Demand at www.wpaa.tv.

Performance Artists interested in becoming part of the studioW experience at WPAA-TV are asked to contact the production volunteers at otpg@comcast.net.

yearbook reflection

2011-01-30T14:39:00.001-05:00

I came in hope of finding a way to expand my own reflection and found a way to make it something more than what it was. 1971

kindleNEXT --- remembering horizons past

2011-01-29T19:52:00.003-05:00

Today I was reminded of a story that was to be a way of life...when I was 22. Reflecting, I have not failed BUT assessing, I have yet to actualize ...because I have not sustained a personal balance. I must make a truthful assessment of 'what is at hand', my toolkit and my passion. I am excited but still totally blind. I am getting hints, just hints. It is a start.

Finding a eureka

2011-01-16T08:28:00.004-05:00

Let the data set change your mind set: Visualizing data fascinates me. Spreadsheets frustrate me.

I am still struggling with knowing what my choices will be when I can re prioritize my life: this is causing a bit of stress. I was thinking it may be fear of failure. The future will likely have less incremental closures as projects end; but who am I kidding in the corporate world projects never did end, because you were forever SME. Since the documentation cycle always was eclipsed by the demands of next project, documents did not serve others just you -- the interpreter. It seems I have decades of work to document down-size. I hope I come away with a product and solid experience with some of the newer tools with the last large daily bread project which has all the things that make projects fail -- and one expert. Not worth my minutes documenting that here.

I need to investigate how others sensing the clutter and overwhelming nature of data are compressing it into knowledge: digitization with meta data, info-maps, visualization tools like Google Analytics. I what to play with the combination of eye & word communication with enough intensity & focus to find a eureka.

A researcher --- storyteller

2011-01-15T14:54:00.005-05:00

I needed to hear this today and lay claim to this:
Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone; I am enough.

enough said.

Welcome New Year.

studioW -- free speech via the arts

2010-11-05T20:43:00.004-04:00

December 10th 9 pm.

decision 9.9.10

2010-09-11T10:20:00.003-04:00

So maybe you have heard – but now you are hearing from me:
I have decided to retire and will be leaving WellPoint no earlier than May 1 but no later than June 30. If that sounds like pseudo code, it is only fitting.
I characterize this change as from WellPoint to Wellness.

March 2011 will be my 31 year anniversary. For someone planning to be in a corporate-like job for only 2 years that is a long run.

Who knew that the non-profit job at BCBS of CT would become, well, so corporate. Retirement for me will not be leisure. I have many community initiatives to partner with as a volunteer. So I will be working the same mission – to improve the lives of the people I serve and the health of my communities. I will continue to work with teams of generous and committed people like you (maybe including some of you) who try to make a difference every day.

integrity & transparency -- owning the risk

2010-08-29T19:34:00.010-04:00

How does one determine what is best? Does short term out weigh long? Does security trump opportunity? Does one assume one will live for decades or does one choose to start living? Going along -- numb and day-to-day without a conscious decision to get beyond engagement in securing daily bread ... the unstated is that I will get to a date in the future to be decided by a corporation that my life will change.

I was nudged by hyperbolic crap to think more strategically about ME. When I added ME to the equation I was divided. I woke the ME that did not take or keep the job by choice but rather by default. I woke the ME that does not want to be used, disrespected or overwhelmed.

What I discovered is I can work another year and be NET Neutral... so if I was likely never to be the one to choose a future date I have discovered I can choose now and be faced everyday with real choices for wellness and meaning.

a skill, a tool, a risk

2010-08-26T05:34:00.007-04:00

editing:a skill, a tool, a risk and maybe the cornerstone of my retirement. Yes I have decided. I have not slept. It is raining gently. Josiah is off to Burning Man in Nevada in a few hours. And I am heading toward wellness. 5:30 am and the dogs have been walked and fed. A skunk required us to take an alternate walking plan. Through the sleepless night I was smiling. In the light drizzle I sang out it is a beautiful morning. The rain is coming down harder now. Through the night I kept flashing on the good connections in our lives that made the TV station happen beyond expectations and knowing that in this success there is also the promise that we can do it for ourselves as well.

Today I edit my life. It is a risk. Maybe I will find my story.

Note: this line was removed from a document 2 nights ago that I was working on with a team of committed volunteers. It was a good session. The end product is more than the sum of its parts. Again I smile. It is nice to do.

Hugs are back,too.

illusion

2010-08-06T15:53:00.002-04:00

Three decades ago I said I want to go to Chicago to live and study and for three decades I owned this, the shallowest of illusions. But today my middle is there with the same mantra and 1000% more potential to claim the city and maybe even someday have it claim him.

I have had the pleasure of visiting twice. This is more than I truly expected I would do when I first claimed the illusion.

I have said of this path not taken, that it was an opportunity stolen. But the truth is that fear of large doors and the cracks made from a short memory are the true source of cement in my Buster Brown loafers. Today, I am year three in Finn Comfort and much less likely to travel afar. Vicarious is my only mode and even there I may be out of my depth.

consuming but MUCH more rewarding

2010-05-03T07:16:00.004-04:00

So I am hearing or rediscovering more trigger phrases that deserve exploration or commitment via this space but the next few months are still designed as Overload: Transitions, renovations, new and discovery. A few technology bumps...much relearning, and interesting challenges like making TV with thumbprint digital images.

Much of what I am accomplishing is with my grown children and others like them whose mothers I have yet to meet.

If children do not believe that you care, they will not care what you say,,,,

It is great to see values grow into accomplishment; especially, in the service of others.

Good Friday - No Fool this April

2010-04-02T20:24:00.004-04:00

Making some changes.
Making and thereby doing.
Making connection in the service of others.
Making a legacy.
Making a difference.

To the passive aggressive self professed benevolent dictator - not your patsy any more.

Transparency,,,here we come.

Mute Button no longer clickable.

Time it passes...then something reminds you of just that

2010-03-06T23:29:00.003-05:00

Time notations.
My best gift - from the middle...24 years ago today.
My job 30 years - a token award to select - most challenging - shall it be a watch.
My last entry - many iterations of bruises and floor plans.

I fail at habits.

I get inspired by random stories of lives that random did not devour.

I seem to know more of muddle, than middle these days.

Daylight will soon be saving time again.

a moment of exhilaration ..

2009-11-18T13:00:00.004-05:00

countless hours of commitment remain to be served ... yet the glimmer of hope that maybe a greater purpose will someday be achieved seemed possible as I erected a sign with my life partner ... a sign that signals Special if Permitted.

As stewards of the community's home of free speech and the funds that enable this stewardship -- I remain passionate and well bruised.

More to come...

in all cultures the people love the trickster until it is too late

2009-11-15T13:01:00.002-05:00

What has been an almost unspeakable hope may be crushed by pettiness in the next few hours.

Community Service lacking community requires volunteers to have a larger vision and a tremendous aptitude for pain. How does one decide the tolerance one should have for pain? Is martyr reasonable life choice?

I have a wise child. He reminds me that truth is not always easy to hear or swallow and that there is an incredible role model serving our country as president.

Free Speech, community dialogue and consensus is challenging. When the facilitators of such things in a community fear the word democracy because it sound too much like democrat which sounds partisan -- what is the strategy.

my stomach hates my head today...no consensus on how much to tolerate within the body.

I do not get out much-building community

2009-11-10T21:34:00.066-05:00

It was even more evident when I spent Sunday ill from the smells of autumn and the proximity of people. Within the week I was truly miserable. I knew this would be the likely outcome if I spent Saturday Nov 7th at the Conference and ACM-NE 12th Annual Videofestival.

Reflecting on what else I experienced and why I attended given the health risks follows: It was an historic day. An ACM event had not been hosted in CT since around 1995 when State Cable Law was initially overhauled prior to 2007 with Public Act 07-253 I was optimistic that folks interested in Community Access in CT would be represented at this event in numbers. I had my council authorize a subsidy for 49 participants valued at $980 and only $140 will be expended. The response to the resource and networking opportunity was sadly abysmal but unfortunately not surprising. We have been divided in CT by 2007 law and finding consensus in the community is a major challenge.

As I always do when attending ACM event - I make note of what I call participant tiers. Those who have some income related tie to community access and those who have been tirelessly involved as volunteers for years often decades – once my category; now changed not because I make a related income but because I no longer feel I can remain tireless.

I saw exhaustion in the faces and voices of committed individuals I am coming to know with baby steps. While the exhaustion must have felt like a marathon to the event coordinators and their families I know that in this area of service it was merely a sprint.

I have been a volunteer involved with community access for 25 years of which I have had very few hours set aside to enjoy making a video products. I promised myself that I would re-energize every few years with artsy project in the scarcity of hours that are not dedicated to the administrative challenges of service. This year I had the pleasure of producing a 90 minute video during an intense 3 days. I was actually craving for it to be a success because I was needing a win somewhere in life. I was confident in the product for several reasons: advanced use of the technology available to create a unique product, localism in the inspiration and members of the creative team and phenomenal content that inspired me who watched and listened several times in production and never tired of it.

I submitted to ACM-NE in the Arts -Theater category. The content was developed 100% by local talent:– the play, music, acting and video graphic support. The project was the very essence of narrative storytelling. I think I failed to represent the local-ism well enough in the submission paperwork.

I also failed to represent a nominee for an ACM leadership award well enough. If I knew it was an insider award I would not have attempted to get a marathon running volunteer recognized. I submitted the nomination on behalf of a grateful community that found the nominees accomplishments and commitment to be extremely significant; always going above and beyond the call in service to the mission and goals of preservation and growth of community media. Absent a local ACM presence in CT this individual ensured that her community was an ACM organization member. I do not think those outside CT understand just how challenging it has been to keep the idea of community access alive here.

I knew that the award was targeted for ACM leadership but in the absence of proven CT leadership I was hoping that if a CT person was to be recognized this award could could have been used to rejuvenate communities that have been struggling. Taking nothing away from the actual 2009 honoree - whom would have gotten my nomination in 2010 if the efforts of this year continue to materialize a foundation for a solid ACM presence in CT - I foolishly hoped for a broader context of leadership. I hoped that someone whose day job is not at a PEG facility nor a paid advocacy position could be recognized. I hoped that someone whose leadership was not of a political nature - but was reliable and successful would be able to speak to the drought since 1995 and the lessons still to be learned from 2007... and it just seems awkward that the award nomination is made by the person for whom the award is made.

I learned that the resources of the West Hartford Community are bountiful and I thought often throughout the day how nice that would have been to know – a few years back when I invested several days researching possible conference accommodations in CT. That year, my employer changed its facility use policy and no longer allowed outside agencies to use its facilities for weekend events. This gave me one less asset to leverage and made planning to host ACM an unattainable goal give everything-else happening or not happening in my community.

I marveled at the luxury of a real Board of Directors and local community support for West Hartford Community TV. I really marveled. I am trying to nurture a community station whose town leadership wants to put the public face of access out-of-business and underwrites government TV production with more than 2 x the budget of the non-profit public channel in recent days this has become even more challenging. Maybe another blog entry.

In summary some said sometimes efforts are not even grassroots they are just sowing seeds. Seeds need much to take root.... I wonder if there is a building community that will nurture the seeds. I am not even certain of my own resolve.

wisdom quotes - I do read the tea tags

2009-10-11T10:47:00.054-04:00

Many weeks ago this tea bag tag Mark Twain quote

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

did not make it into my trash. It was reminder of my intent to visit his CT home. It has become more. I found the tea-less tag again today. Ironically I also found that it spoke truth about loss of a most genuine young person whose discomfort overcame him on Oct. 3rd.

A wise friend eulogized this life as --- an anomaly. The christian burial process of this non-believer similarly provided a hyper-view of how anomalies of existence contributed to discomfort.

The eulogy continued: He was genuine. Do not underestimate the interminable value of such a quality. It made his words drip with honesty, his gestures bleed sincerity, his compassion captivate with clarity, and his life – touch every person who found themselves fortunate enough to cross its path. He was a good man. Let me repeat this statement, for it seems to necessitate an extraordinary emphasis. He was a good man. In these lives we lead, such men are as rare to find as they are difficult to lose.

Being genuine is often a lonely road. I agree with this characterization. As hundreds of young acquaintances and some true friends mingled among disarmed friends-of-family to pay respects or say farewell... another anomaly played out and spoke to the dissonance that created such profound sadness and ultimately, loneliness. However, I am left to wonder if good humor was also a mask on this soul, and sadness the ultimate poison. Believing that masks do not just hide but often provide a layer of understanding, I wonder: if temptation to give-in to pain can be replaced in others because they touched this profound loss.

~~~
Today at the LGTB Rally [National Equality March] many lay claim to the temptation of life taking in the face failure to be accepted and the possibility of equality. To all those attending and knowing such a pain -- may they find strength in the self-knowing as exemplified by Lt. Dan Choi. May those who feel the pain of distance from family for any reason - may you find a larger human family to connect every day - not just at this rally.

I am grateful that a trip to the theater helped me know the story of Matt Shepard and I am encouraged as a mother that as of 10.08.09 the nation is one step away from a better union with a conference report on the Matthew Shepard Act before the Senate with the real potential to become law.

~~~
Back to Quotes

At age 10 I decide that I wanted to have a published quote in Reader's Digest. Today there are 4242 pages of Quotes published on-line. They are categorized as Wit & Wisdom.

The connection to this goal that remains today is my attraction to twitter-sized wisdom, the immediate go-to the quotes when I come across an RD magazine in my mailbox or in a waiting room and the desire to find wisdom within my own experience.

Perspective on Reading

2009-10-10T16:32:00.003-04:00

I randomly listen to talk programs. I happened upon a program on Literacy. It was inspiring. Brought me to tears. It included stories about adults making the commitment to read and how this commitment and the reading transformed their lives.

I took away this new perspective on Reading.
The transition from Learn to Read to Read to Learn is where many non-readers get lost in the system. This transition most commonly happens in about the 4th grade.

Celebrate Wallingford Weekend-Freeman

2009-10-03T17:32:00.004-04:00

So I wore the big blue Penguin costume again today to promote the cause protection of free speech. I greeted children. I encouraged adults. It was exhausting. My hope is that I made a dent in the sphere of possible. That there will be a ripple that can become viral. That we can begin to make the station a force for good.

quake & waves --- the world became even smaller

2009-09-29T21:35:00.004-04:00

Of the Sea - it is hard to imagine the magnitude of the ocean horizon so the tremors of that same ocean is even more remote a plausibility to imagine. But the mother in me suspects its vastness does not compare to the distance created by not knowing about someone dear who is in harms way. I am blessed not to have a child in a war, or ill, or desperately lost in circumstances ... but today I was given a taste of what if. It is so crushing.

Prayers seem an inadequate but appropriate response.

For those in harms way today, I will add my prayers.

[Response to American Samoa - Towering tsunami waves spawned by a powerful earthquake.]

Revisit and reevalute the learning

2009-09-04T10:51:00.002-04:00

In 2005, I scribed these as life lessons learned more than a decade prior.
I was dealing with a vendetta scenario. As this is a life lessons blog, I will recapture them here.

Public Lynching is a tool of those that believe they have right on their side. Many innocent people have been hung from righteousness. Cats have 9 lives, so purr.

If accused of something with much untruth - suspect the source is involve with untruth close to that of the accusation. It may help piece the puzzle together.

All news is subject to source, time and predisposition of recipient. Respect that people know differently and reassess and adjust if in relaying news behaviors do not change as you would anticipate.

Respect and trust once, if once is too much, remember that you are the type of person that chooses respect and trust; then apply caution as needed.

Taking cover is an act of sanity, not failure when facing natural disasters. Some communities encounter natural disasters to discover the affirming power of building community. Natural disasters can include the effects of persons with mental defects. Remember that Mental Health is a challenge for the individual at the eye of the storm.

How many contradictions does it takes to come into humanness…

2009-08-29T11:14:00.004-04:00

I have been graced in recent days by the poems of Edgar Gabriel Silex and the archives of the Library of Congress.

I found a book of poems among many books of poems... I do not recall the specifics by which on the day in February 1998 I came to include this book Through All the Displacements in my collection. Someone went with a group of us to a reading and I recall 3 poetry books being purchased. I took one home. It is inscribed to Sue a name that I do not favor and did not use for myself during this stage of life. I do not remember who made the spontaneous gracious purchase or the specific occasions ---- but in recent days I have felt blessed by this random life event that put in my purview this particular collection by Edgar Gabriel Silex.

The last poem, full of irony for me with the title 'poem without title' sent static through my heart and set a tear in my eye for my own son. My head is now full of distractions; the kind that I hope come to some purpose...but that I fear will just wile away my day.

--time to catch up Highlights only

2009-06-02T20:08:00.004-04:00

Well Mom's Day was a day that the family came together has a gift to me. I asked them to explore an idea that involved each of their talents and our dog Jake. It was fun and next month I will be able to share more.

Dan and Cliff have been working together. I really enjoy watching them feed off each other in creation mode. More about that here: http://www.royalpyngwyn.com/

Charley is gardening. Yesterday, I had a salad with everything grown at home: herbs, spinach, lettuce, and tomatoes. Very nice. On earth day we got a compost bin at a town sponsored event. I attended the event as Freeman Penny Quinn, 1st.

Curt and I made a quick trip to Burlington for ACM and to pick-up 1,000 lbs of limestone from the quarry. We earned that both Apricot and Plum trees can be grown here in the No East -- so we now have a mini orchard at home as well.

The kitchen has been totally deconstructed. The kitchen update has been 10 years coming. In about a week it should be realized.

I really need to do this with the correct glasses on since typing is not a skill.

When Silence is what is out of range

2009-03-08T14:03:00.008-04:00

This idea is much like 'Does a tree fall in the woods, even if you can not hear it? But until today's CBS Sunday Morning Fast Draw - I only thought of the tree sound as out of range because it is too far away. I did not consider the unheard in a broader range like some silence is by design, some by choice and some by consequence. The Fast Draw Team of Mitch Butler and Josh Landis focused on frequencies designed by Nature not to be humanly heard. The story reminded me of special sound places on the Internet I tagged in 2006: Biosonar and soundtoys. Since 2006 these locations have been part of my silence and that of others with no updates since 2001 and 2006 respectively. I also flashed on my 2004 awareness I2 concerts with musicians sounds coming together from different locations concurrently where silences are being broken still . Then my memory leaped back to then introduction to U2 as a piece of broken record that somehow found its way to my backyard most likely out a car window as folks younger than me challenged the relevance of the 1983 song about 1972. So Reach me, I know I'm not a hopeless case - let me find what is now silent to experience A Beautiful Day, daily.

Pencils, white text and the revelations as history

2009-01-14T18:45:00.023-05:00

As I begin to tap at the keyboard -- I sense that I am facing challenges yet to be overcome. Contributors to this sensation include that I do not type, trifocals challenge accuracy in seeing, and what it feels like to write with a pencil is a very distant memory. I face the New Year with fatigue, lack of momentum and an intention to commit to basics. I am half-heartedly assessing the public medium for which I find that ideas must be coaxed, shuffled, strained and simplified to have value. This requires resources that have been depleted.

Therefore I must challenge the purpose of glimpses through stained glass as a blog. Is this just a public scribble? Does it qualify as a journey journal? Can it be more than an expose in my inconsistency and ease of distraction?

Random memory: a peer who communicated with another peer at the day job playfully included personal hidden messages in his emails. His messages were hidden by changing the text from black to white. This sharing was discovered unexpectedly because the email was sent to print and all printed text is in black. What does this story memory invoke? Other memories like the lemon juice experiments of my youth (play, discovery) and thoughts about understanding cloaking,exposure, innovation and all of there potential impact on privacy.

So no deep dives here - just nagging thoughts in response to popular media. Our former VP speaks and I quiver. He infers that terrorists did not succeed in attacking on American soil after 911 - and the true level of threat must remain cloaked. So if Truth is cloaked in fear and hyperbole --- will history reveal if we were protected or scammed by these fear mongers. In the 80's I took a course on International Law. Terrorism was a key subject matter. I believe a Lesson Learned from that course was that terrorists are empowerd by breeding fear. It seems that this is now a living history.

qoals, quotes, and quixotic bipolarity

2008-12-20T11:30:00.006-05:00

So this public place was to be a place to deep dive on things that distract me. The absence of entries does not directly collolate with lack of distraction.

Ample: Star Quality

2008-11-29T14:05:00.008-05:00

A tear: I cried on November 4^th 2008. So is my tear a good predictor of the power of the play A Civil War Christmas: An American Musical Celebration? Probably not, but my tear’s affirmation is.

On November 28, 2008 I was part of the alchemy of the first full run of this plays' world premier at the Long Wharf Theater in New Haven. Under the direction of Tina Landau, the creative team engaged me, audience member, in the historically rooted fictionalized events of December 24, 1864.

With austerely orchestrated music, subtly transformational movement navigating precarious staging, a chandelier, an anvil, the communality of coffee and symbolism of gloves; a diverse and talented cast of fourteen embodied ninety characters, both human and animal. Yes, there was a talking horse, potent musical parody, powerfully executed solos, inter-faith choruses, and elevated historical facts & figures from our Civil War History, three wise men, a lost child, a scarcity of trees and a disrobing and much, much more. Three stories were concurrently told, weaved together with seasonal and period music.

The musical celebration is the engine of this storytelling. This work is so abundant with detail, symbolism and intent that this could be under-estimated. An older white male audience member behind me repeatedly described the play as like a high school musical review. However, an older white Canadian male in the audience wondered if this dramatization of America through song could safely be shared south of the Mason-Dixon Line. And the everyman with me said that traditional songs were, for him, infused with new meaning and the parody was on par with the power of late night TV. For me, Oh Christmas Tree will be forever equated with spreading hope and gladness far and wide.

In this play, more suitable for all ages than is her reputation, Pulitzer Prize winning Paula Vogel does not leave risk taking behind. America’s ghosts and the take no prisoners’ tension illuminates some fundamental struggles at the core of our country’s formation as united states. Within the decade of its gestation, this playwright cultivates information about geography, history, music, ideologies, and most critically the under-told stories of the other. The result is an abundance of food for thought for theater-goers potentially for years to come.

For those students of theater, exposition of the three stories joined together by song has ample elements to explore. And if non-period references stay in the play after preview week, the pros and cons of the directorial decision on the potential for the story as a classic can certainly be debated.
For the fact finders, the weaving of fact and fiction provides ample room for clarification. When did Walt Whitman leave the battlefields? Do mules and horses have pheromones in common? Did Henry Wadsworth Longfellow disapprove of his son Charles fighting in the American Civil War? Were any African–American freeborn at the time of the War? Did Mary Todd Lincoln buy American? This is a random list of question, however, a formidable course-worthy list of questions could be explored.
For students of American History, an exploration of the story interconnections could evoke conversation about the building of a national identity, the rise of social movements, and the challenges of social justice.
For star gazers, the implicit setting of a star a top of the Christmas Tree with gladness of heart can be the communal coffee of any gathering of family or friends during the Holidays.

If I were asked at intermission, Do you expect to have an emotional response to this play? I would have confidently said NO. However, I was not alone in ultimately feeling a deep fundamental emotional response to both the pain and the hope. Mine was not the only tear. And even if I personally found the unveiled Christmas Tree was over the top and too current in design - I was captured by the implied topping of the tree with a star - I was held prisoner.

I am confident that this story will become annual holiday fare. If your personal economics allow, I strongly urge any student of American Theater to see this production this season.

If I could give a gift to our new President and his family, it would be tickets to this play.

Winning, watching and value…

2008-11-26T13:44:00.006-05:00

I need to execute a plan. Decide upon a day. Make a call. Then Experience.

I have had good fortune, as a listener to WSHU Public Radio, to be among those soon to be watching the world premiere of "A Civil War Christmas: An American Musical Celebration," written by Paula Vogel The new play opens at Long Wharf Theatre in New Haven this week. And as it is with plays, the story will come to life with set design, direction and acting of a team of players and music as this is a musical. Maybe it will be the birthing of a classic as is the aspiration; or another view of the man Lincoln and his inspirations. Whatever the outcome, I feel blessed to have won tickets. I do regret is that my closest family is on the other side of the world and will not be by my side.

My public access channel is showing a caterpillar feast in incredible close view with an informed narrative. Music is signaling transition to… not very much at all…but it did get my attention. Viewer discretion is advised for this 13 minute nature documentary because the production contains images of ants attacking a live larvae. The Ant Tiny Predator.

I am continually amazed by the products available for consumption via 1^st amendment expression and my advocacy for this local channel.

A recent reoccurring thought is that Americans are blessed to have a people willing to work in public service positions. I find the voices in my head giving thanks when pundits hurl criticism at those serving. There is an odd hope that these voices in my head will mysteriously join good karma.

Very special people find an effective merger of the needs of others with the needs of self. And then there are heroes, selflessly committed brave souls who act and inspire. I believe that Hillary Clinton is not on a personal trajectory to the White House. I believe she is committed to walking her talk and that she is aware that the journey is not a prescript. I believe the president-elect is similarly pre-disposed to ‘make a difference’ not just ‘make a mark’ in time.

One of my favorite pontificators described our current economic situation as ‘gnarly’ on Today’s Politics, Burgers and Beer hosted by Faith Middleton on WNPR. The program is promoted as debate, opinion and informed conversation; so is pontificate a fair description Yes, it may be a bit harsh but sometimes the self-regard seems to invite a pin prick.

Building teams and plans in a fish bowel is not an enviable position in which to be. I am fatigued by the negative energy. What can we contribute to the conversation, positively. Like Open Source contributed…partnering, innovating, sharing .. adding VALUE.

What people say ...

2008-10-10T19:05:00.006-04:00

The tenor of the debate makes the mother in me stir with the thought 'You know better'.
Debate is too gracious a description of the public conversation associated with electing someone to the highest office in the land.

As requested

2008-09-14T17:16:00.005-04:00

sometimes an image speaks too much truth, sometimes not enough.

This week truth, and its manner of telling, was once again in the news. Illusion, does it serve truth? Inference, does it serve truth? Timing, does it serve truth?

Truth as a value, ideal and object of pursuit is too often blurred, sacrificed, obscured. This week I let the whirl go by except for this little reflection: I grow tired of the abundance of misinformation.

ATT, Joe and Hope

2008-08-23T10:35:00.040-04:00

I am finding my pattern of three as this blog evolves. The blog appears to be what rises to the top in the abundance of information in my life. Stuff that would otherwise be skimmed has the opportunity to be reviewed via deep dive.

Thank you PAUL JANENSCH for your comments on the upcoming convention - your commentary which included the question "Why is ATT sponsoring so many events at the Dem convention?" rises to my top three. As a local consumer advocate involved in cable, iptv and internet matters this question speaks volumes. In my opinion, this company has been political and less than consumer friendly in its colorfully architected media pursuit of market share. Since there is some talk that a democratic win would include the creation of a new and necessary cabinet position - a CTO ; part of the answer to the Professor News question may be found in examining what part of this policy would ATT want to influence?

My day started with more than a glimmer of hope.

Awareness of Joe Biden for me is much like these ideas that creep to the surface. I have a concern about my memory. I am trying to explore why certain items seem to remain crystal clear as emotional memories but shallow in detail and why certain ideas and experiences come to define me.

Ironically, I have an emotional memory of Joe Biden. The puzzling of pieces put my personal experience in 2001. I was traveling by train to Washington DC to attend an ACM National Conference. As I do whenever getting on public transportation; I was people watching. Someone on a cell phone caught my attention. This individual was conducting business that seemed to be important. I remember thinking whomever this is, is purposeful, assertive, and well-reasoned. I immediately felt a sense of trust and respect for this stranger. I had absolutely no idea what the topic was, or whom I was watching, but I felt protected. While watching various episodes of Road to the WhiteHouse on CSPAN I kept tapping into this emotional memory. I remember having an absurd thought that if I could only share this feeling I had with others in some visceral way; that he, Joe Biden, could be considered a more viable candidate by more voters. I can not make it visceral but I can share this as a serendip that means a more to me today.

So I put this post out into the world: It seems almost absurd but today I woke to news that gave me a new sense of Hope.

images, dandies, and tweets

2008-08-13T19:56:00.050-04:00

Some images are come by accidentally. Some take on lives of their own. Most can fill-in the blanks of a story. Some images also need blanks filled in. I named this image: aftermath - wearing liberty. I took it at Ground Zero. Because I know it is Ground Zero - it speaks to me. Without knowing this, the picture is incomplete in its telling. Clarity takes many forms. Maybe this too is true of truth.

Sometimes information can saturate. Saturation can cloak memory. Lack of sleep can do the same. Together, too much input and too little sleep, form a haze of thought something like scrabble with an acute random connectedness. I often get to a point of saturation. Today it happened. I know I heard things of interest to me but my mind feeling intent upon this knowing - registered blank. Distractions fill in these blanks. Blogging with conviction becomes more difficult in the haze. (I am the generation of purple haze- Are You Experienced? not the generation of hazegame.)

Some distractions: Papa wants to know if I can Google backwards to find a word he can not spell. The word is bat poop. Last night I Googled radish-tops-eat and confirmed what he had wondered about for years: Yes radish tops can be eaten much the same way he eats dandelion greens or wild spinach. I did not take any real time from the day job to be with him, or to be good to me today. And last evening's sleep was again interrupted about 4 am with noises of raccoons in the kitchen. We have relocated 10 so this visit was not expected.

Another word that entered my sphere of distraction was tweet. A week ago I declared I had no awareness or knowledge of tweet as other than bird sounds. However, the Twitter social-networking message tweet is now in my purview: through the exchange of quick, frequent answers to one simple question you can be known between the lines. Tweet is the way I have overheard my children talk on the phone for years. I am not ready to go there. But I did discover If about the future... which from book to tbd; is a place for further exploration. It is the archival references to free spoken word ripe for my future visiting, that compel.

WOW, surge and buzz

2008-08-06T19:49:00.012-04:00

It rained very intensely a few times today. The air feels so much better now that my brief walk with Jake was truly enjoyable. I connected with a few neighbors. Rare to find others out during these walks. It made for a nice break in the day.

I did not connect with the Internet, TV or radio directly today. I did share with others, an excerpt from a note to me, I titled proud tears. The extended audience shared vicariously as I had a WOW response. WOW has such different meaning in the parlance of our teens. Many loose hours of their life in WOW space. But the gut reaction WOW is what I received and shared. Getting inspired sharing gives me an energy surge. Surge, now there is a term becoming well worn: military, economic and radio. Now this place WHERE NEW ARTISTS SURGE TO STARDOM was somewhat new to me, and it is currently NOT surging. But I enjoyed these pics and may send thus one along to add to the collection. I look forward to seeing the caption if they continue to be monitored. Captions suggestions are welcome in coments..

open door policy

2008-08-04T21:18:00.011-04:00

We have had a dog door for years. The cats discovered it and have liberated themselves and appear to be living 99 lives. One rescued cat, Artimus, timid and in the basement for 6 months is now a confident hunter happy for a brief respite among his humans. My bird feeder has become a death trap. Jake, whom I have introduced already. rarely used the dog door after midnight. But he has recently joined the cats on raccoon patrol which starts about 2 am. We original discovered peppermint wrappers on the floor, then heard a scurry of all the animals running through the house knocking the dry cat food feeder off its bench. There was a replay the next evening. Papa heard the noise and attested to seeing at least 6 racoons

phrases of the day

2008-08-02T11:29:00.023-04:00

When I allow other voices into my day, certain phrases bring me to a literal stop, to scribble down for later reflection. I feel some intuitive connection that could benefit me if mined. But mining is always tbd.

Technology places, a reference to the the instruments carried on the belts of the presidential candidates, connected to me to both my community access advocacy work and poetry team experiences. The word place evokes memories...there was the catch me in seminal times places of adolescence poetry tour and the public-people-place aspect of the community building project. Excerpt below:

‘Community Building’ is a process not a place. It requires the gathering of people in or through a public space. Participants share, listen and reflect. When used in the conduct of public business; community building is inclusive, collaborative, and representative of diverse voices. Based on a shared vision or problem it can be used to identify solutions, reach consensus, devise and implement strategies for resolution or change. It most often involves individual and collective actions of diverse peoples for a common good.

And then there is my virtual place of my work-at-home existence and the itch to just leave its physical confines after days of too little physical movement: when I exclaim I need to get out of this place.

Halo for Fear-a description by Barbara Walters of her work-life motivation struck a chord. As the primary bread winner/caretaker I could relate. I will look forward to her book Audition making it to Library shelves. I wondered is it truly different for women. I think so but it seems unfair to not see that the some self-employed men have similar stress.

Do stories ever end and other deep thoughts

2008-07-29T06:51:00.014-04:00

Before a personal story ends, Memoir writers decide that there is enough of a story to be told, to be penned, to commit to. Reflection and significance are ingredients. Compelling is important. And how to begin requires selection of an end for the unending. I am a derailed storyteller because I can never decide upon an ending.

When this entry was conceived, there was 100 days remaining; to elect a new president and to make ready my primary daily bread assignment for go live. These turning points are not ends. They may be middles or starts. What comes later – the benchmarking measures like the 1st 100 days of the presidency and questions about the completed project speak to the lack of true ends.

New tools allow us to manage or compile data and images and the elements of story. Sometimes pseudo stories emerge much like pseudo poems from folks exploring sentences and fragments instead of paragraphs and chapters. New tools can inevitably make endings ever more, less likely. Time capsules of experience accumulate. Folks like me get to avoid deciding on a larger scale than outside of the moment’s distraction – about endings. Volumes of reflection, commentary and noise emerge – and stories that could change, heal or inform salt and pepper the abundance.

Blogging, this hybrid commentary journal process was activated by me to reflect upon significance. Scribble. Distraction. Curiosity. Ponders. All in a format that allows me to avoid questions wrestled by true storytellers. Maybe coming of age with the TV drama view of story, most of which now tell multiple stories simultaneously and attempt to develop characters serially, neatly prescribed time, foreshadowing and tension until there is a fade to credits has contributed to my dilemma.

I began to read the World is my Home. I did not get to the end yet. It has been months since I set it down. I started it in the middle, as I recall. The 1992 biography of James A. Michener was published 5 years before his death, an end marked by his decision to remove life supports. A collection of selective reminiscences, his story for me did not end when I closed the cover of the book nor would it have if I were on the last page. It continues here. His story lives on because they were scribed. Each new reader restarts the story. And every new writer underwritten at UofTexas at Austin by Michener funds ensures his story never ends. This novelist did story his way. He followed his intellectual curiosity, informed his style from the experience of opera arias and ultimately his narration rewards the reader or listener with knowledge. His large novels are said to be absent psychological insight. I have purchased but have yet to read his sagas. A novelist that could have been a blogger is an indulgence that I can not yet invite in to my frame of reference. So I digest short stories. This week it is People I wanted to be.

Go Live is less than 100 business days away and the day job is carnivorous. Is eating my soul, flesh eating? Deep thoughts are set aside as core hours begin now.

Conversation and the value of versus: Poems

2008-07-20T16:40:00.008-04:00

Tension is a building block that can engage the audience within story; it is known to add challenge to conversation and is said to exist naturally between science and faith. Its value is 2 sides of a coin: and often a headache. As an element of style - it must be worked, to work.

The New Poet Laureate is getting air time. I listen. I wonder if a good poem every 10 years does a poet make? I wonder if a poem a day is a good expenditure of time. And then I know the truth: calories need burning. So I borrow an impromptu haiku from the poet from my middle and smile knowing birth is not under-rated, poetry is.

Time displaces truth

Tumbling down the rabbit hole

I am far too late

25 cents is the price of a miracle

2008-07-14T17:54:00.008-04:00

Charlie is my Dad. His refrigerator magnet says WORK is a 4 letter word. He retired at 55. He is now 80. He putters, finding ways to save dollars and cents. He dabbled in stocks and bonds for a decade or so, but got out before all that went totally bust. He spends his days being Judge Judy trained. Other lifelong learning is aided by History, Discovery and the Weather Channel.

This weekend we shared lentil and cactus soup which he made, followed up on some health insurance claims, and discussed the behaviors of our mutual companions, feral cats and my rescued Bull Mastiff pup, Jake. I can not play cards well enough to bet a quarter, so I watch him play one of the 100 something ways to play solitaire. We chat. He mumbles about gardening in pots. We do have some healthy basil and a few strong tomato plants. I say we because I purchase the starter plant or seeds and he tends to them. The price of motivation. He has discovered our Hot Tub. Now that I mark his calendar on the date when it has been treated, he is using it regularly. I needed to learn how to communicate this readiness for use in a manner that would not offend. It was challenging. I failed a few times but I think I am finely on track. And as to the Hot Tub, he is on track as I fail to use it. More chat or exploration about short term memory. I try to remember tidbits from the news which I think may be triggers for conversation and potential stories. I work at conversations. I had scribbled a few things down that are not handy at the time we chat. I think hard: mental gymnastics and then realize that the term I was trying to recall intellectual aerobics. The differences discreet would be fun to follow. The memory was a description Tony Snow used to describe Meeting with the Press. I then think that if I have a storied life I will be a success. Both references come from elegies of the kind the video world provides: Sunday Morning Articles. Then distractions abound within me and Dad is no longer in focus. The miracle I wish for is that a card player will appear that will risk an occasional quarter. It does not take much for Dadto put up walls. Failures with neighbors and Senior Center - mostly bad timing but he took it all too personal which make me the only community he truly has. It is a tall order being a community and it does not take much for me to be distracted. The voices in my head say you need you time now, dad has had what you can give today. Balance too is difficult.

Sometimes I sense too much in common with this hermit who lives like a troll in the back house. So much unsaid here.

transitions abound

2008-07-09T18:32:00.004-04:00

A year of substantive change:

Graduations: Graduate School for Cliff and High School for Heather
Global volunteering by Dan (shown here with nephew Alex).
a baby born to Valerie and Paul (MacKenzie J.) on the 4th of July.

All are solid moments of accomplishment for them and pride for the family.

between the eyes_gun control

2008-06-29T22:05:00.025-04:00

Poachers kill deer by shining light between their eyes; then shooting them between the eyes. In dear hunting 101 this is defined as shining and described as illegal. Deer hunters can be law-abiding, responsible citizens or poachers. The decision to poach is not made when the gun is purchased, it is made when a passion is activated that overcomes respect for laws natural and man-made. The decision to kill deer is made when the gun is purchased. Decisions and passions are always at play in determining the effects of guns.

Since the 5-4 Supreme Court ruling suggesting that there is a constitutional individual right for law abiding citizens to keep a loaded handgun at home for self-defense I have been in a dissonant limbo. I have been trying to discern how my experience can contribute to the discourse, what I truly believe about the Constitution, lessons of history, the value of discourse and the significance of grammar in the discernment of intent in authorship. Like the 27 words and 60 some amicus briefs the conclusions have not been matter of fact. However,facts have been substantive.

Starting with my shallows: I was relatively certain I believed in the idea of a living constitution, that the spirit of liberty guarantees discussion not rightness and history; it is essential to interpretive context. Exploring these assumptions I relearned that Jefferson felt the strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government. That the Minutemen 'worldview' is a substantive context for interpretation of the Second Amendment but arms and the consequences of their proliferation have changed more than government. As a child I was inspired by Justice Holmes through stories heard while touring the homestead . There ideas were rooted like

we must interpret our Constitution "in the light of our whole experience and not merely in that of what was said a hundred years ago."

The ultimate good desired is better reached by free trade in ideas [and] the best test of truth is the power of the thought to get itself accepted in the competition of the market

I was reminded that DC voting rights have yet to be secured. Ironically, the right to handguns have now been. But the strongest lesson was the from the day in my VISTA service that I was to role-play Patty Hearst in a Police SWAT Training having my own American Experience. That day remains with me as does this understanding: the decision that you can kill is made the day you acquire a gun not the day you use it. Gun use is rarely rationale. And while the lives lost that touch my personal story are many and none have been by gun - all have been by passion.
So did I reach a conclusion: VT and DC represented the gun law extremes. Law-abiding people can disagree. And I will not knowingly befriend anyone who finds it necessary to own a handgun. Accidents happen. And today it is the dissent of Justice Breyer who argues for balancing public safety against individual rights that speaks truth to me, In my shallows I favored gun control in 1979. However, on S.W.A.T. Police Training Day it took only 4 hours to turn me into a killer of men. The solid grammar arguement aside:

One can, rationally, sensibly, logically read “shall not be infringed” as taking TWO, DISCRETE antecedents: (1) “A well regulated Militia being necessary” and (2) “the right of the people to keep and bear arms” — so that the amendment precludes infringement of TWO SEPARATE things (a) A well regulated militia and (b) “the right of the people to keep and bear arms.”Thanks Loup-bouc

The living constitution can change through interpretation. A living constitution will have well articulated dissent.

What we value enough to copy

2008-06-15T20:02:00.006-04:00

In conversation came the reminder: To be a storyteller you need a story to tell. I have been sitting on a story that was kindled during my vacation now several weeks back. As I start pealing the memories associated with the story I know only the following: It seems to be about outrage, heritage and what we value enough to copy.

The mangled roots of this ‘blog-journal’ begin at the turn of the 20th century. And, this story will be transformed by how the global economy challenges tourists to value authenticity; and, how and why culture is preserved by Native Americans and the purveyors of our nation’s history in this century. And in the world of the Internet this story can be informed by comments of others.

My personal part of this story starts with stops at roadside booths in Arizona and Nevada, to appreciate and purchase authentic Indian jewelry. Before this story started seeping into my purview, I would not have described my personal shopping for native jewelry as shopping for something authentic. I was trying to be about low impact discovery. My goal was to learn to relax and enjoy – to vacation.

I was the quintessential child in a candy store looking for a special treat. I was mesmerized by how similar, yet naturally different, the crafted-work was on the same table or in the booths of several Indians gathered flea market style. I learned that the stone was often named after the area it was mined, that some areas are now barren and that in Bisbee, the seasonal rains wash the turquoise into the roadside basins. I was told that the bevel side is up. Much of the strung, cut and polished gem stones crafted into jewelry used newer string technology which meant that clasps are no longer essential. Most importantly, I sensed that the business of making and marketing jewelry is a family affair. And I was surprised to find an Antique Indian Jeweler at the Boulder City Jamboree.

My eyes were on vacation. My brain was being delighted by the handiwork of others. But this rare get-a-way experience was sensing an undercurrent. I came to understand the livelihood of Native Americans artisans involved jewelry making passing from generation to generation and putting sons and daughters and self through college. It is prideful. It is full of tradition and inspiration. It is essential to the culture and it is being stamped upon by the flat world. One proud native mother expressed her outrage about fakes saying "Jewelry with .925 is not Indian". I bought from the work of her son for mine, and her for me and took away in some distant space in my brain her outrage. I was trying to be in some ideal place called vacation.

Ironically, this Indian mother’s story was further revealed to me in a place of mimic and replication - my primary vacation destination: the Grand Canyon. [1]

At the Grand Canyon National Park Desert View Watchtower Gift Shop, a sign above strings of silver feathered turquoise necklaces read: Authentic non-Indian jewelry. This sign above jewelry is the significant picture I failed to take. If I had thought journalistically, this image could have informed much of this story. The sign spoke awkwardly of the economic based invasion of Native Americans by replica jewelry Made in China and machine stamped .925. [2]

The watchtower, a mimic of Anasazi Indian watchtowers, is infused with storytelling both figuratively and literally. The design of this national park building completed in 1933 was commissioned and awarded to Mary Colter. This five-story site to see is on a promontory overlooking the Grand Canyon at the eastern end of the south rim.

The architecture informed by archeology, ethno-history and the work of Indian mural artists, including Hopi Fred Kabotie embodies the value of copying, storytelling, and preservation of Native American Culture. Authenticity is reportedly at the core of the architect’s work. The replica design was informed by turn of the century southwestern archeology. On its walls the tradition of storytelling in rock art are copies rendered by artist Fred Greer. These copies may be the only existing record of the original story painting found at an Abo, New Mexico Archaeological site.

Ms. Colter’s designs were commissioned by Santa Fe Railway and the Fred Harvey Company which launched the Native American souvenir business. This company’s transformation includes becoming the concessionaires of National Parks. The souvenir and concession business began by leveraging the traditions and skills of local artisans. This leveraging spawned tradition based Navajo, Zuni, Hopi and Pueblo family businesses that have now supported several generations of displaced Native Americans. So the ability of this outraged Indian mother to market to tourists, culturally based jewelry and crafts, is directly tied to the business that is now the target of her rage. In civilizing the southwest, trinkets were mass produced by artisans supplied sheet silver and pre-cut turquoise by the Harvey Company.

This story, in all its hyper-parts, evolved because of an undercurrent of injustice I sensed but for which I had no context to take a position. The outrage of the Indian mother is now in context. I believe that if committed to practicing integrity and quality, National Park Gift Shops should not be selling Made In China Indian jewelry. My research,subsequent to vacationing, reveals that this act of selling imports as Souvenir is not out of character for the legacy company. And the new company, that gets access to 5 million visitors a year, is following a common practice. But, souvenirs for the Las Vegas are different than souvenirs from our National Parks. I concluded that Indian Crafts sold at our National Parks should be authentic not imported reproductions.

1) Most visited natural wonder on the planet. 5 million visitors a year with up to 30,000 visitors per day in peak season. 2) Sterling Silver objects are stamped with either the word "Sterling" or ".925" which refers to 92.5% pure silver and 7.5% other metals, usually copper.

Some take-a-ways:

Sometimes transformation obfuscates purpose, and often transformation is economically based.
Philanthropy has a role to play as an underwriter of efforts to transfer tradition knowledge.
Goals can be in conflict therefore resolutions must be value based.

Postscript: At the AMERIND MUSEUM, the ‘Traditions in Clay’ Exhibit depicts a history of pottery making and ‘a competition experience’. The results of the competition were expressive in several ways and copying was part of the participant experience. A museum collection interprets. This interpretation coupled with the story of the tradition transfer made me tear-up yet I hold no details in my memory about the pottery or tribe. I only have this sense of gratitude that this experience was available and that I had a moment to connect.

Really productive serendipity

2008-06-08T20:31:00.004-04:00

When I selected serendipity as one of my labels, the voices in my head said blogs can breed LIKEthink and this label will be a reminder that your intentions include making chance connections that could influence your destiny in actions or words. I do not associate or bond well. My people interaction is based on in-common stuff: work, certain interests, life circumstances. In this I am not alone. And in this in-common I do select bonding levels – most often shallow levels. I tend to focus on the tasks, prefer observation and often lead out of frustration. I have good friend qualities for emergencies but no one calls me just to chat. No one. To blog is to let the voices in my head chat and it kicks up the dust on dopamine the feel-good neurotransmitter. Maybe it will improve my conversational skills. There are bloggers I have come to enjoy thru their words (Amy) and actions (Jason). There are others that will be revealed as I work the RSS technology of this world.

But as these conversations occur I do notice that the in-common stuff among people can breed – good and bad. I was reminded in the overheard conversations about politics this week about in-common bad. I will connect an old essay here on this distraction at some point.

Callouts: This past week I had a small victory in the in-common world of Community Access TV and a moment of awkwardness in the in-common world of work. The victory: successfully getting clarification with DPUC docket 08-04-09. For more than a decade, some volunteers were being held hostage by power tactics that included fear of reprisals and threats of underwriting changes. Truth had a small victory. The awkwardness: a public description of me. While it shared that my values and skills have made a difference there was large irony in that few folks will ever have such a lens on my life and work again because of my failure at the basic art of sustained conversation.

Lifelong…then retirement or into retirement

2008-06-06T06:36:00.014-04:00

Life-long: what are the benchmarks? Is it duration or duration in relationship to the length of one's life. When must a lifelong relationship, idea, pursuit, regret begin to qualify? Is meaningfulness implied? What are the shades of meaning: continuous until a person's death, continuing through all or much of one's life? This out-of-place meandering began while at a retirement event of a co-worker.

When something is more than 50% of your life and the majority of your daylight it probably qualifies. Family relations most often do. A person’s work can qualify and sometimes that work is at one place of business. This is a phenomenon that is changing. It is one I never expected to be part of but one for which I can now claim a duration maker of more than half of my life.

For my co-worker the years are 36. The retirement is about to start with a summer vacation at the camp of his making with his best friend who is intended to be the rest of lifelong. He practiced retirement for a week before deciding that he was ready. Ready and able are not mutually exclusive but the able part usually comes far later than readiness for most (maybe I am projecting here). If employment is more than making a livable wage then one may never be ready. There are very few positions on 60 Minutes, or tenured professorships in the perfect climate, or artists that can sell enough to sustain daily bread or piano men or living poets with solid indirect income sources.

As I tried to kindle connections I found rhyming words: The batches of rhymes seem to speak to me about passionless day jobs: along phrases are scrape, rush, shove, stretch, play, pull, tag, or come along.

Lifelong is now a learning buzzword. It is something we are all expected to make claim to. I invested in this claim six years ago when I processed through a second graduate program. Sometimes I think it was only proof that I could type ever more poorly with more sleep deprivation. The brain exercise was sometimes fun and challenging enough to make me feel that I was evolving. However, I am not sure that the benchmarks for lifelong learning sited herein.(p.2) were achieved in my personal journey. I am often reminded of the three word marketing rule, as it is often deployed, and the challenges of good tauts. Grad school is where I learned I too could make hyper Connections like one of my most favorite books and made 4 television adventures by James Burke. (And I too have a box and scribble that may become bones or blog entries or remain for future ruminations.)

And then I get totally distracted in the world of connectivity and find bliss.

evolving

2008-06-02T23:30:00.003-04:00

Well I was not sure I would be remembering the momentary distraction word for today: but in passing it connected and was recallable. Am I evolving, too? Is this buzz word informing or reforming or self-involving? The term infers substantial change. This term reconnected me to something else I wanted to explore: Guerrilla Marketing and the idea of unintended consequences that I anticipate commenting on here after June 5th.

As a business analyst I have always been informed by errors, challenged by defects, and found that gaps suggest opportunities. Are these tools for evolution?

I need to evolve further the potential of FREEMAN PENNY QUINN, the 1st. I need to evolve further the toolkit for citizen journalists. I need to evolve further the daily practices that promote good health (yes I did walk Jake today!).

Evolution is a very busy thing but since it is nearly tomorrow I will need to get busy with it later... (but 1st a bedtime story about the other word of the day to which i can say I am often far from being gruntled ...unless of course, there is word play. nite cliffy)

Just Days Away - Cape Town - my middle

2008-05-28T15:33:00.009-04:00

And he replies in draft: In my ideal internship I would be making a difference helping to empower others using the skills of writing and performing. Any internship that can combine these subjects of study (Language Arts, Theater) with an opportunity to work with youth as a teacher or collaborative group leader would be a perfect fit for me. My primary training is as a writer/performer of theater but I have extensive experience as a performance poet and coach.

I see internships as emersion learning, collaboration experiences, participating in something larger than self and potential or practice for making change in the world. It is real life. It is not safe. It is not predictable, maybe even ubiquitous. I come to the process in formation of myself – a person with natural ability for idea making but desire to acquire a greater understanding for idea actualization. I want to learn how to better organize and mobilize myself and others in order to achieve concrete goals. I believe in follow through and have had success in the past but I have never truly pushed the boundaries.

Leaving for Cape Town So. Africa in 3 weeks:

I anticipate that working in South Africa can speak to my sense of immediacy and relevance. I believe I may better understand my countries transition from the 1950s to the 1990 by experiencing Cape Town 20 years after fighting apartheid and censorship. Cultural transformation creates new struggles and maybe the civil strife of Cape Town today will inform my understanding of my own country, the nature of change, power and the potential of cultural diversity. And most of all I want to learn more about the role of storytelling in defining culture that is a distinctive, spiritual, material, intellectual and emotional way of living together with underlying values, traditions and beliefs.I want to get a better understanding between culture and education. I want to explore how cognitive openness to new styles of living, new and different understandings of one’s world, and new instruments of aesthetic and intellectual engagement can open up the possibility of culture being a helpmate of education.

He the best thing ever to come from my middle. I already miss him and anticipate his discovery will serve others as much as himself. Blessed.

If I might be disrespectful….

2008-05-27T22:52:00.006-04:00

Today I was out-of-order and publicly chastised for thanking two individuals for a courageous vote. It was partly the room and the dynamics. It is not like I was really trying to be rude or intending to be rude. In fact it was totally unintended this rude thing. It was probably more rude to consider my gesture rude. The intention was to respect the efforts of the community of volunteers that worked hard to serve their community but failed to get serious consideration because of agendas. So my actions were declared rude because they disrupted control and a façade of decorum.

If I could have slipped the thank-you note down the aisle I would have considered it…but that was not an option. A smile or wink could not be seen. And the gesture was a public one intentionally.

A few weeks prior teachers and parents actually were disrespectful, but they were not chastised. They were a mob and some behaved as such and most were not informed at all about the process for which they were gathered. How many votes needed or how the agenda works.

But what was rude was 8 years of service and one phone call demanding a public admission of an error I did not make. No this was actually malevolent.

What is worse than rude is lying. And my accuser is certainly confirmed as that.

What is even more significant is that personal attacks from a true fraud were part of the larger dynamic. In the last election I changed my vote for two people who are now serving as Town Councilors. Even with candidates of my choice failing to win I have never felt I voted wrongly. But two people on my local Town Council have shown me what two faces mean and at least next time around I know clearly who will not be getting my vote. And I just may be motivated to share this opinion widely.

Would I have done anything differently tonight - Nope.

ps. I have this thing about pictures being informing. A picture of me at a microphone is pretty uninforming. So I prefer action shots. And I was trying to create action.

Purpose..all in a day's engagement

2008-05-26T17:18:00.010-04:00

Today I got to speak with strangers, passionately about principles upon which this country was formed. No matter what the outcome of the vote on Tuesday, I can say today’s 1 on 1 time was well spent.
~~
I was at the parade in town today BUT I was not really there. I had a juggling challenge: To be respectful of those attending to honor the fallen with the opportunity to inform myself and the CB Team more about how the Community Access TV community building project resonates with residents.

The tone was random. Its details: 1 corner, 1 hour, 2 ½ volunteers (The 1/2 a penguin out of habitat.), a few revelations, several affirmations and perfect weather. The opportunity was both twisted with irony and suspended in time. Its true potential yet to be revealed and to be disclosed on Tuesday at the Town Council.

The memory evoked was ironic. In New Haven as LWV President @ 1986 I was host to CSPAN. CSPAN was new and covering local grassroots elections. Bill Dyson was running for State Representative for his 10th year. This was my 1st experience with cable TV, futuristic technology and local partnering. The LWV was still considered expert in debate format and trusted for its non-partisan approach to community engagement.

The debate moderator and my peer (a.k.a. new partner-Junior league leadership) handled things much differently than I would have. We were in a downtown church after several prep meetings. Then lights, camera action AND the satellite dish failed. A few minutes of technical check and we continue the LOCAL debate. It is approaching 9 PM and we are literally closing in on the end of the event. The moderator comments within range of a hot microphone. “I felt like an Oreo cookie middle’. So politically incorrect and so fortunately NOT on National TV, I was relieved. Today @2008 the high tech box had a battery which was inadvertently drained. At the last minute plans for a LIVE feed of the parade to TV and the Internet was short-circuited. Very few knew we failed to attain our objective. Similarly few knew we proved the capability on May 24th. The citizen producers on the other corner were most likely being politically incorrect in a fashion that has been known to remind me of the Oreo incident. And the future was being touched. Many will be changed in the future by what we were attempting to do today.

But that is history and my focus was the near future. I was trying to determine the best step forward into the future for the CB Team.

So what was revealed or affirmed by talking 1 on 1 with random people? Dan came closer to understanding my dedication to project (This is important because as a parent who chooses community involvement over family time it is essential that the child(ren) understands that it is not either or, it is all for them.) Dan apologized that we got a later start than planned. But 100 or 200 signatures is not substantively different. Actually, none of our informing the community 1x1 effort will matter if the vote is otherwise already cast.
~~

Dan charismatically got more than 100 signatures. He represented the ideals and the hope associated with the project. His commitment to democratic ideals and passion for justice were evident. I got about 40 signatures. But 40 out of 42 is good especially in a random interaction. I shared more details about the building, process and history. Dan stats were as good. Few shrugged us away. Fewer still said no if they agreed to be informed. People willing to listen was inspiring.

The basic concepts of the proposal: do not demolish the building. Use it for a community purpose. Price is not the driving factor from citizen perspective. Preserving history & free speech is good. Partnering is expected. ALL of this resonated with 99% of those approached.

Affirmed: Those aware of the issue based on newpaper coverage did not hesitate to sign a petition. Many wanted to know why the town was not giving us the building? Most wanted to know what the opposition position was? No one felt the building should be demolished IF there was a legitimate community alternative.

Memorial..Community Remembrance

2008-05-19T20:00:00.005-04:00

I mostly remember dad in his greens going to march instead of work, the Cuban Missile crisis and almost stories of the korean conflict. But then my generation's war took over and friends did not come home and poet friends brought the power of the Vietnam Memorial on the MALL in DC to life. I had to see it in person. Not many things get such a definitive must do in my heart and mind as I no longer have enough focus to create poems.

While in Boulder City we stopped at several artisan shops. I saw the miniature cast of this memorial and had to find it. It is a powerful reflection and symbol of remembrance for sacrifices. It is the image in this spot.

But in all of the near sobs the strongest gulp is why are we again at war? I focus on the artists responses to find some meaning. And I am please to share my findings with my community this day away from work. A video with permission will play on public access station and pictures.

Siloing by Design

2008-05-18T23:15:00.002-04:00

A silo is a place where fodder is preserved and stored to provide nutritious feedstuff for livestock. A silo is also where guided missiles are stored. As such siloing appears to be an apt description of how some communities restrict valuable resources. For example having funding and functionality for Public Education and Government Access TV distinctly restricted versus treated as Community Access resources is siloing. Since some believe the content of community access is ‘food for thought’ and others consider it an ‘ever present danger’ it seemed to me to be a fit usage of the term.

Where should I be, where is my mind?

2008-05-14T13:11:00.006-04:00

My spiritual mentor would always correspond to me on a transformed scrap of paper. A sample of such a transformation circa 1993 is shown here. I found it difficult to throw away even with its tea stains.

I am at my work table where I access work from home and do community tasks via computer. The presumption is that on occasion I collect my thoughts here via this blog which is concurrently a collection of past and future memories. This process is expressed via a Maxim which is keeping a diary supports personal development.

So I am here but I just drove some distance. Driving is now a rare occurrence given I have one eye tracking left. This makes the passenger more aware of my vulnerability than myself. Dad was my passenger today. We arrived late to the commitment to heaven ceremony (which requires either faith or imagination) held by the family of Rosalie Catherine Cook (his sister, my aunt and mentor). Gathered were unfamiliar faces that were connected through Rosalie. The gathering was small and polite. Charlie broke the ceremonial sounds with a how do you do to the person to his right. This fella married into the family via the youngest daughter of Bill, niece to Charlie and Rosalie. Yes there were cousins in the room. People who once participated in games of tag, kick-the-can, hide & seek all cousins from the occasional family picnic of decades ago.

Rosalie had been a beacon of family connnectedness in a older sister fashion while she lived in CT. That changed more than several years ago. Family distances were not bridged – hearing impairment and other aging issues taking the reigns of daily life when she retired to Florida. The rest of us entered lives after teen years. Her recent return home was brief. It allowed for one visit which included the expected squeeze of the hand…the ‘good to see you my dear' whisper in the ear, the 'what can I feed you discourse. Odd disconnected memories of Rice Pudding made me bring her some. She just smiled. Maybe it should have been Tapioca. (The absence of cigarettes was very pronounced. She had been the embodiment of the meaning of Virginia Slims for me even as the cancer sticks poured from the pack of Camels or Marlboro.)

But the mind has no focus as the heart tries to reflect: cousins, pieces of art and some craft pull me in several directions. I do not turn on the radio in near fear of more connections that I cannot trace.

My sister has Dad now. They were part of the procession to the burial site along with another aunt and cousins. I returned to my table with a promise to myself to visit here before attending to the external loci of control. Upon returning, I did walk myself and the dog first because it is at this too that I fail daily.

Back to the main event: Dad did not recognize his daughter. She resides on the other ocean’s side. Many years have passed. Today as most days she embodies confidence. She was simply and smartly dressed with color accents. I immediately considered how “Rosalie would have just loved how she looks”. I did the basic black attire. it fit and the random thought for what stylish colorful item in my closet would Rosalie like, passed into nothing she would like would fit today – so the 'do not go there’ voices in my head won and I wondered in thought too much more pressing tasks at hand feeling I would be lucky to be dressed and on time. Not lucky.

Rosalie. You grace every room in my home. There is no more to write.

the Landscape_degrees of separation

2008-05-01T09:48:00.000-04:00

Separation can be an act or a state of being. Yesterday in Biosphere2 I quietly marveled at the how the states of environmental change had nearly no transition and that a range of some 20 degrees in temperature supported different life zones. This was science and something I very much hoped others were fascinated enough by to continue exploring.
I realized that very few things about science were made exciting to me as a child and I did not grow interested in things that had practical application. I often regret this.

[A strong memory is that Mr. Afragola, my HS Science Teacher, was fascinated by insects and held a belief that the would inherit the earth. With 300,000 species of beetles and the crazy ant story from the biosphere yesterday --- it is more understandable – his fascination and belief.

The crazy ant story should go here. It does not travel in straight lines. It took over the insect word of Biosphere2. It was a native. It was a subplot. ]

Respite is to be my goal as I have had non-stop task overload for employer and community for 5,500 days. In this attempt I find myself with working in my sleep. It appears very difficult to refocus on different self-fulfilling leisurely activities. The undone tasks surface in sleep. They are the minor ‘nice to have’ tasks that I do not seem to have time for that seem to being saying – you have time now – do me now. I have attempted to address the community related nighttime reminders with daily e-mail correspondence. In 8 days I will know if the interruption of my vacation was as important as it seemed.

This morning I made a connection in thought between the scrubby landscape of my Arizona vacation and my sense of less than well-being. The blackish brown mountain is set far off (and I would not choose it as a view) and the dusty stretch in immediate and constant travel view is full of prickly growth. Some cactus looms tall (with my years or more of uninterrupted growth), some are flowering and nearly all are fortified with thorns. It is a dustbowl with scattered, but connected, activity. I cannot put words to the relationship of what my eyes see, my head connected but somehow I feel this is a representation of my intellect and imagination.

It is time to move along so I will close here. I have a vacation wait for me to engage in it and the driver is preparing for my departure…

Free Vs. Fee_at what cost

2008-04-18T07:23:00.000-04:00

In a recent typo the word free became a serendip 'fee' and evolved into a statement of condition about news is our world.

That particular slurr of the fingers happened weeks ago and hung in draft. I am barely coherent in thought today. I am on vacation. My legs have more mileage on them, my forehead the tell tale signs of sun, my brain gets feed morsels of data about camofluage, desert life - - a sign declaring please touch connected me to the head dress of many horned mammels and the wool of the same... the details are not being retained. But I am sure they can be looked up if ever needed. The International Wildlife Museum provided this close to nature experience and the Arizona-Sonora Desert the other. Today will be American Indians and Copper and Architecture. Then Science.

Many ideas passed right through me... I did not take notes.

I did log in to the Internet for some citizen advocacy tasks. Maybe with these behind me I will be able to experience and retain. It is time to start the day away from my regular life.

Deerkill_ I can not let Fear Stop Me

2008-03-28T22:30:00.000-04:00

My mouth is dry and eyes bouncy. Breathing is often interrupted these last few days by a ragged cough. My week of work and community service both have felt like rolling a boulder up a mountain but there is a sense of irony that maybe this boulder is deflecting and protecting me from debris. Sustainability is the word of the week, ‘reasonable need’ the concept and ‘Why?’ the eternal question. Joni Mitchell singing Big Yellow Taxi [@1970] ‘paved paradise and put up a parking lot’ the instant replay of my fatigued mind.

Words of the past somehow get through the mire: I read a poem written about my 1970 world-view and I post it as if new – out in the world. I realize I am pushing this symbolic boulder in anticipation that others may find fulfillment if I can help keep the door to free speech and art is kept ajar open in my home town.

exhausted.

How Can Right - Be So Wrong?

2008-03-16T11:05:00.001-04:00

This question How Can Right - Be So Wrong? was raised into consciousness a few times this week. Once in good storytelling: The movie ‘Gone Baby Gone’, A few times, during recent citizen advocacy challenges, And daily in the balance of ‘work’ and ‘life’. When faced with the consequences of action taken 'on principle' can we find our core values in conflict? Is it merely a question of their priority?

Core values are to govern how we make decisions, clarify who we are and guide our behavior in the world. When compromised ‘who we are’, changes.

Frustration with processes that sometimes take years to complete or maybe even re-cycle often seem better served with short-term solutions. Short-term goals are needed for process owner sanity, life-cycle and knowledge management. However, short-term should still be compatible with the long view.

If the foundation is broken it is better to clear and rebuild than selectively modify. Determining how broke is broke needs consensus. And in the politics of change, power brokers will identify small fixes that cater to the short-term needs of a few making consensus even more challenging.

Political Power is best served by an 'informed' electorate and a demonstration of the will of that electorate for a common good. Education on this process is challenging as well and I was please to find this site that is trying to meet those challenges.

The informing quote of the week: learn that you can disagree with people without being disagreeable. Source: Grover Norquist, President, Americans for Tax Reform

standing ... i should be standing

2008-03-12T20:19:00.000-04:00

In the news today...i hope someone notices the cause...

Dad agreed to be the hump loan if needed..
We have a committee...
a challenge looms large....
Pulled off a TV show that I hope to see,,,someday....

garbled words...revise, revisit....breathe...

i am the rat in the race ,,,,being tested...

passion is still the primary ingredient...

So. Africa looms large in my future...what does this portend...

a moment ...

Blogging interrupted by citizenship

2008-03-08T18:30:00.000-05:00

Members of the Energy & Technology Committee:

I, ..., current Chairman of the Cable Advisory Council Comcast Branford and Statewide Video Council designee; DO NOT SUPPORT HB5814, An Act Concerning Community Access Television. [I do however support Community Access TV in to the wee hours of the morning.]

As an advocate of Community Access Television for 30 years, I wish I had the opportunity to either support the repeal Public Act. 07-253 or support a bill that better defines funds and enables Community Access. Neither option is available in this short session. The outgrowth of inquiries on how to fix, what PA 07-253 broke, seems to have become an opportunity to further codify the limitations of ‘video’ services as acceptable and to dismiss some significant regulatory outcome of DPUC proceedings of the past few years.

I have submitted a list of concerns with this Bill and Pubic Act 07-253 and share this adaptation of FCC Commissioner Copps’ remarks on ‘Localism in Broadcasting’ as it could pertain to Community Access.

We are making George Orwell proud. We claim to be giving Community Access a shot in the arm — but the real effect is to reduce access to a deep link in a world wide web of glib marketing campaigns, high priced attorneys and competition for ‘the tired, poor, and huddled masses yearning to see the TV of their choice for a price they can afford.

We do this upon concluding many things: 1) localism is the cornerstone of our regulation 2) communities need access to valuable, locally responsive programming, 3) there is a presumptive need for communities to have community channels, 4) the flexibility of digital technology can ‘better serve’ the needs of the underserved 5) Community Advisory Boards are not conclusively a means of addressing local needs, unless they are representatives of all segments of the community, 6) periodic consultation is appropriate, and finally, 7) modification of certain rules, policies and practices may be necessary.
Reform is needed. But to paraphrase Rep. Fontana’s recent remarks about SB492: Do we need a chain-saw to cut through the complexity of this bill? Does it establish a level playing field, provide transparency and is it responsiveness to the public? I believe not.

~~~
More than a decade has passed since PA 95-150 ensured that all communities in CT would have Community Access otherwise known as P.E.G., Public Education and Government Access. This Access legislation was unprecedented in its provision to serve all residents of our State. Communities and providers had choices to make based on each community’s definition of reasonable need. A variety of community access operations across the state were transformed. Some are thriving, most are surviving, and all are at a digital crossroads. Many are trying to balance the day-to-day demands of keeping speech free and accessible to all on shoe-string budgets while keeping one eye on the preservation of the rights of those they are trying to serve.
PA 07-253 Concerns:

Complexity of language in new law
Too many terms for carrier/distributors of TV
Opportunity to update and simplify language not taken
Complexity of multiple mandatory advisory councils and lack of clarity of roles
Lack of community representation in community advisory selection
Video provider is not required to provide a basic service
Video provider exempt from interconnection/start-up costs
Video provider exempt from provision of senior discounts,
Video provider technology limitations may not enable retransmission from all PEG locations
Cable opt out does not grandfather provisions of most recent franchise agreement
All language appears to lead back to FCC minimum channel capacity and funding
Cable Council funding remains same rate after a decade
Lessons Learned from mandated consumer studies and surveys not leveraged
Funds create competition between communities for funds, grant requests require greater overhead than disbursement systems
General feel that it was written from the video provider’s point of view
Lack of fair competition
Lack of understanding of basic concepts of Community Access

HB5814 Concerns

The bill is not what it was expected to be
Overturns regulatory outcomes of months of state employee and citizen work
Changes allow for persons with conflicts of interest to influence management of Community Access
General feel that the bill was raised to pay off certain groups to get endorsement of U-verse limited PEG functionality
All the issues 07-253 are not resolved and may be further aggravated.

lost & found about finding and loosing connections

2008-02-24T14:15:00.000-05:00

(the drag of days -drafted on MLK day and reflecting back to 12.28.07)

I am living in an overwhelmed state of being with ‘must be done’ defined by an external locus of control.

This blog was undertaken, in part, to determine if I have the desire and capacity to engage in discovery and discourse? To put another way, Do I have the ability to independently think and reason and if so, does it or can it matter to achieving a fulfillment in life? I am attracted to, and want to, understand and contribute to the ideals of an ‘open society’. But am I failing at this for so it seems. Or is it that failing is a fatal flaw in the construct of community engagement and consensus? How can glogal and local citizenship and arts and ideas and family matters and living healthy be made unworkable in the day to day?

I have been distracted in very brief moments by the presentations of Ayaan Hirsiali and Irshad Manji, both impressive young women (CSPAN2). The presentations made me wanted time in my life to read Infidels and the Trouble with Islam, respectively and to feel worthy of discourse with such nimble and noble minds. I was hearing that a missing skill set of our time is as follows: debate, decent, revise, reform.

I was in immediate agreement and pleased to hear the roots of Islam connected to inspire-innovate-create. But the telephone rang and my Diversity Day (MLK) was interrupted/derailed by the external locus of control.

Other distractions that got into my random scribble is about the theme American Angels. A local Peter Gardella (Hamden, CT) with the theme useful spirits in a material world ironically tied to a purchase I made during the holidays to support my imagination and a local artist. It is a large sun made of waste wood from formation of Angel wings for other art pieces. I refer to it as a deconstructed Angel.

I was forwarded an email string on puzzling (and art that inspired: This individuals compelling distraction found a place in the world of advertising. Magical, alluring and uncanny. My reaction was to understand the pictures in the string and inform about their roots. I always seem to want context even after being compelled to different zones by art.

Instinct , the nature of humanness, or peculiar to a personality type: too much to explore now as my day is being stolen by the day job once again. Connecting to that moment go here: Literally Finger Painting way cool in the moment of contact ---this link gives you more info about the artist and it is easier to send along to others...http://guidodaniele.com/

In a world that feels like this haiku moments

2008-02-24T12:56:00.000-05:00

I saw you tell her
She told him and he told me
My truth was not yours

Time displaces truth
Tumbling down the rabbit hole
I am far too late

Moments shine, brilliant
Teams play well together, share
dandelion dust

I asked for a few minutes of his time to help me capture the idea of miscommunication and the potential of teamwork in haiku...and he asks back

In your voice? And do you mean like the telephone game?

Moments later I am rewarded as I have been so many time with wordtouch. I can not claim to be a poet but I did birth one. Blessings.

Memory Lane - Immediacy of Now

2008-02-23T15:24:00.000-05:00

I was asked, do you remember “Loving You” with the phenomenal high pitched C’s and chirping birds by Minnie Ripperton? And was informed that she also recorded “Walk Down Memory Lane” and died much, much too early in life at 31. The memories recalled which had prompted this inquiry were about spontaneity and discovery and traveling less traveled roads. I did not remember the Ripperton song because the music of that period of my life was controlled by others but I was prompted to its discovery now. And it was immediately special.

Memory and its failures and pleasures was part of the rational for this blog. That very same day the quote 'the fierce urgency of now' was captured in scribble. And the week included distractions of the hear via NPR like happiness research. The biggest distractions however, are the community committments....back to them I go.

the error of our ways, my daily bread

2008-01-17T21:16:00.000-05:00

Today this email tag-line quote caught my attention because it spoke truth to me "From error to error one discovers the entire truth" — Sigmund Freud. The quote is in the world on several lists of notable quotes.

I am reminded that as a child I hoped to be quoted in Reader's Digest when I grew up. I have not scratched this notion off my life list. Such an honor represented wisdom and fame, today it represents a list that I value because of its accessibility.

These days I wish that my typos were less predictable and that the communist plot to make us all alike idea, inspired by the standardization of communication represented by the typewriter, never entered my 10 year old mind. I never learned to type and it is required of me daily. So I fumble and err along this path of life touching a keypad that is almost as foreign to me today as it was in mandatory typing class circa 1970. Hands and eyes do not coordinate and the mind is always full speed ahead so as never to be caught up.

My day job is full of root cause analysis of errors; and errors have been steadily informing my work because errors force me to see alternate views in data, process, behavior. So the error to error concept about the discovery of truth feels real. I valued its appearance in my day. Some days I just wish there were less errors to contend with. Other days I appreciate the skill sets of doctors, pilots, engineers, all the more because soft jobs can more safely survive if not error-free.

Some days I believe strongly that poems can not have errors? Those days are fewer and I claim less the error free moments in art. In art error reveals differently, right. Or is that a spin on errors begetting truth? Can a body politic learn lessons from errors in history or is error a perspective and therefore a version of truth? I believe that errors have nine lives much the same way my cat has 99 lives. Now that is an error the cat can live with until 100. I think poems attract me because no one can say with certainty if there is an error in a poem. Sometimes poems become quotable. So back to the quote, is its value conferred by the number of lists it has succeeded to reside within or the kindled at the root of its original inspiration and again each time it is read. Quotes definitely out spawn poems. Do error out spawn truth?

Well I have errors to recover from so blogging off now is my truth.

brain slurring

2008-01-10T20:09:00.000-05:00

So much for the daily plan - so far the only consistency is in the lack of completion of promises to keep to myself. The cholesterol numbers have made a good showing and the random thoughts of creative ideas or connections have been encouraging even though not captured.

I muse about defining a robust, make a difference line-up of community access TV shows: titles occur to me like ‘Out of the Shallows”, “Lip sawed or Souled”, “Textures & Tones” and “Changes that Word Made” …but the day job distracts me with it’s demands.

I have managed to let the dog walk me every three days, not nearly enough for either of us. Major projects loom undone - the sun will come up Tomorrow - until next time

the most beautiful lessons are plain to see

2007-12-09T17:47:00.000-05:00

As I start sharing words in this public space I am reminded that words have been gifts of insight and love. To all, beyoutiful.

boy,

lis'in up you hear, the most

beyoutiful thin' in this h're world

is yuz bein' yuzself.

My pappy taught me this h're

iz d'truth. Pappy he done knows

many thin'z 'bout fiztin' up

an' maken' thin's do

what thay waz meant fur.

But, like he says, fitzin' what wuz

broke in him wuz the key.

I'm here to tell you

that man was ugly to look at

but he was beyoutiful.

Knowledge is...

2007-12-06T23:36:00.000-05:00

Knowledge is dangerous. Or is that incorrect, is it liberating? Is knowledge the ticket or can it be a straw that breaks the camel’s back?. Pithy sayings work in context and fall flat otherwise. Knowledge is it the bite of the Apple and the Fall of mankind. Is it product to be managed or an asset… or a lifelong pursuit? Imagination is more important than knowledge. Einstein already posited that. Others such as Goethe declare its value is in its application

Is there a growing conformity as posited by Jung or is that a conspiratorial theory. This ramble started with a conspiratorial spiral – the echo of a President repeating Knowledge is dangerous.

Words that Pass

2007-11-28T22:42:00.001-05:00

would that there be but one symbolic, functional word that could unlock all the connective tissue of our techno-being. But there are limits, rules, characters; not less than, not more than, must have, can not include... special memory questions. I have failed to define my favorite things to remember. I have failed to have favorites, goals, or a disciplined existence. Serendipity. Except when this failure stresses me to the brink of panic, I prefer the perception that connections come as a natural gift of pleasant, valuable, or useful discoveries by accident . similarly I envision the iconoclast not as a destroyer challenging traditional beliefs, customs, and values but a journey in restless pursuit of truth.... but then the alarm rings, and the day must continue one password at a time.

lessons gathering dust - conference scribble revisited

2007-11-25T17:43:00.000-05:00

By the time you start getting sick of a message - it will just be starting to take root!

Develop a walk-thru video showing your community access facility - show it often. (recommended 15 minutes max)

Create some live open mic 'townsquare soapbox' forums. Explore creative names and potentials for anonymity BEonTVNOW, SOUNDoff, (a station has lips that are activated by a caller - find a geek that can make this happen.) Promote with themes, have walk-in participants as well as call-in, timelimits may become critical components of program for fairness.

Expand Bulletin Board functions: add celebrations or job notices, programming, contests

Get your community's demographics: subs and non-subs. This is raw data for idenification of producers and audiences.

Have someone available to speak to groups about community access tv.

Sponsor a 'get to know your camera night'. (40% of families now have camcorders.)

I lost site of this post in process in Nov 2007. It is now March: Subsequently, the WPAA Community Building initiative has taken over my life. More on that can be found here: http://7towntv.org/TV_Wallingford.html

transformation in technology

2007-11-25T16:17:00.000-05:00

Stories can connect the world. The truth isl always beyond the next word or the 1st : Hello.

Ayoh, hallom, HELLo, the stories of this common, nearly universal and reflexive greeting "hello" are many, multi-faceted and often linked to the advent of faceless communication with technology. One storyteller shares the idea that a prankster's potentially irreverent humor can become a clever, simple and transforming change in the world. So 'hello' is my choice for starting a blog whose purpose is to gather ideas that give me pause, stir passion or have no perfect place to be.

whole be thou - an alternative version of the meaning of hello as a contraction of archaic english seems to hold a promise of transformation.

Hello visitor.